Blue Boobs (Or "Is It Cold In Here?")

Two Posts in One Day - It MUST Be BAD

2009-06-04T16:53:00.003-04:00

I couldn't get up this morning. I would open my eyes and they would close again, of their own accord. Thankfully, I wasn't driving heavy machinery at the time.

Anyway, I curled up with my baby fuzzable cat and fell asleep. Again. This time I dreamed quite vividly.

Some of it was work related. One of the women I work with was heading up a baseball team, which she really could do given her personality, and the place where I worked looked like the high school I attended for all of 6 months in 12th grade. High stone building with high spires on top, huge almost-floor to ceiling windows. This was where my father taught for over 30 years. And where, during that short 6 months, I saw him in the hallway on occasion in his suit and tie, doing hall duty between classes. Just writing that makes me tear up.

If only our family hadn't been so undemonstrative, my parents so selfish and self-absorbed. If only we could have expressed our love for each other, been a loving family, a nurturing family. If only I had been smarter - not IQ smart, but emotionally smart. If I could have been a better student way back then, someone who saw a future for herself. I never saw a future for myself.

I always wondered what the HELL I was going to do with my life, and so, never having figured it out, I've ricocheted through life, bouncing off my first husband, an alcoholic, with whom I had a child (who is even more screwed up than I was emotionally, thanks to HER lovely parents), and then bouncing with my second husband.

Anyway, back to my dream.

So my workplace looked like my high school. My work place is a school, so that is a likely mental comparison. I also work in the IT department at my job, so in my dream, I was called to a science room to diagnose some lab equipment that wasn't working. IT means computers, but, in real life, we get calls for fax machines and other electronics, as if by being in IT we automatically know how to fix everything else electronic, too. In my dream I looked at the equipment, which I remember.

It was a small device that had a tiny cup for solution and above the cup was a handle with a thin, 1/2" long probe hanging from it. You would lower the probe into the solution and it would measure the chemical components of the fluid. The problem was that the head wouldn't lower into the solution, so I was trying to fix that, when the device became a kitten.

Yup - dreams are weird. The kitten was kept in the science lab because it performed a function there, but I was concerned because it was lonely and lived in a cubicle at night, and it didn't appear to have much food or water.

At first, the kitten was almost see through - literally transparent, but as I petted it and held it, it gained color, until it became much darker.

I found some food and began to put food down for it, holding it the whole time to make up for the hours it would spend alone. I put water in it's cubicle, and whereas before, it never cared about getting out, now the men who were trying to put it away for the night couldn't get it to stop scooting out the door.

I felt so sorry for it - I wanted to take it home and even offered to do so.

While I was holding the kitten and caring for it, my dad was suddenly there. And he was young. As he sat at the long table, he draped himself over it a little, leaning forward on his elbows, and told me he was bad when he was a child - he had tried to ride his pet cat and it spit out a furball because of it. I tried to tell him that perhaps he had actually helped it get rid of the hairball, but I knew what he meant. He was watching me care for the science room kitten, and he realized he hadn't been as kind to animals as I was.

My father had anger issues. He had no qualms about smacking his three daughters around - hard - when he lost his temper. He did this when we were small as well as grown teens. I remember once he was banging my head against the refrigerator. Unfortunately, that did not improve my thinking - I wish it had. But perhaps I'm the kitten in the dream and my father confessing his thoughtless cruelty to his pet cat was him acknowledging his abuse of his daughters?

A few years ago, he DID apologize to me for hitting me so hard when I was small. He remembered something I did not. That he had hit me so hard once I wet my pants. I don't remember that, which I guess is good. I was floored that he apologized - and it made me very happy at the time. Of course, I immediately made light of his treatment of me - always trying to make people feel better even if just acknowledging his apology would have been best for him. Misguided people pleaser.

Next in the dream, we're walking, holding hands no less - he is much taller than I, as if I'm a child, although in the dream I am an adult and so is he - across campus and he's showing me where he used to have his Driver's Ed classroom, which all these years later, is still an automotive classroom, but for students to learn how to fix cars, not drive them.

While we're walking, he says he really has to learn to make salad, since he knows it's better for him and he knows I like salad.

It seems he is trying to get close to me, to know ME and who I am, noticing my personality and making indentations in his own so that we fit. It's called relationship, and it's something I'm not sure we ever really had.

I have to say that there is far far more unsaid than has ever been said between my father and myself. In my adult life, it's been words that danced around heavy subjects, but our eyes said more - I know his did. I see him now, at 90, unable to move around much, sitting in his chair half-blind, and he's watching me, and I watch the emotions wave across his face....and I know he's remembering. I can see it. He's remembering being young, being healthy - and I think he's remembering me, seeing me differently. Perhaps he's remembering the times we fought. We fought horribly when I was a teenager, and he usually ended by hitting me or slapping me.

Perhaps I'm just kidding myself, but I think he's realizing just a little bit who I am, and he likes it. He likes me. If only this could have happened many many years ago. If only I had been a more responsible teen so that he didn't feel like he had to yell all the time, get angry and frustrated with me.

It's so painful now to visit my parents. My mother is mostly healthy and takes 100% care of my father, but she is 80 and she is tired. He is incontinent and has now taken to falling occasionally in spite of his walker. My mother has called the Dr. to arrange for more therapy for his legs, to keep him from atrophying completely.

It's a total daily fight against the ravages of age, while waiting for the inevitable - and that is so depressing.

I believe in heaven - I know I'm going there. I'm a Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior - so heaven sounds wonderful. In fact, I can't wait to get there. And if my father had faith, or more faith, perhaps it would be a comfort for him. I won't say that it would be a comfort, because I don't know what it's like to be in his position, but I think it would make his disabilities a little easier to bear.

I'm 53, looking ahead to what he is going through - and he took care of himself physically most of his life, which I don't. He and my mother were always physically active and careful of what they ate. He was very proud of his youthful looks until the past 5 years when Type II diabetes defeated him, gave him neuropathy and robbed him of most of his sight through macular degeneration. His own father lived to age 93, I think - and I don't think he had the health issues his son has before he passed, but I don't know for sure. I'm convinced it's the "high fructose corn syrup" and all the other crap that's in our food since the 1950's that's done the deed. My grandfather didn't have years of that crap building up in his system before he got old, so even though he didn't exercise at all and was a couch potato, I think he had quality of life longer than my father has.

So......that's my dream. That's my daily sadness - dreading the day when I get the phone call saying my father is either ill or dead. Dreading even worse a call saying my mother is unable to care for my father anymore - and he has to go into a home. Dreading this thing called life in this present age.

This life has such capacity for pain and anguish, and in bad times, the pleasant and happy times grow less and less. Old age looms ahead in a world where old people are not only not popular, they are deemed not worth giving medical care to if it costs too much.

No wonder I drink too much wine. I feel nice when I drink wine.

My Depressed Blog

2009-06-04T16:23:00.002-04:00

This is my depressed blog. My sister told me that she knows when there is a post on here, I am upset. By golly, she's correct. I have to vent somewhere, and this is my unknown blog. My other blog has readers that would quickly stab themselves if they read this one, so I keep the angst here.

Money worries:

We are upside down on our mortgage by about $50,000. During the whoopla when houses were worth ridiculous amounts, ours was worth about $120,000. more than we owed on it, so we decided to borrrow $40,000. against that, thinking we were being conservative. We borrowed this money to pay down credit card debt.

For about 2 months, we stayed out of credit card debt. Yes, our mortgage went up, but we figured it was no problem. Times were good.

Then dental issues came up, we needed a new refrigerator, a new washer and dryer, the cats got sick......and the credit card spending went back up again. Then Christmas came and we said, "what the heck" and we wanted "stuff", so we said, "what the heck" and used the card(s).

We were irresponsible. I'm not defending myself in any way. If I could crawl out of myself and get a big stick and come back and beat myself with it, I would.

We. Were. Stupid.

Then I found out about the mortgage. I didn't do any research or get involved in the choice of mortgage. My husband did all the prep work. I don't know what I was thinking, since he is not a financial genius. He got us an adjustable mortgage. That will go up for the first time in June 2011, which is rapidly approaching.

That was a kick in the gut. I've never had an adjustable mortgage before. I knew when I was divorced from my first husband that NO ONE with a brain gets an adjustable mortgage - EVER.

Then our house value went down, down, down, below what we owe by about $50,000.

Then our credit cards raised the interest rate on our accounts to the max rate - something like 20-29% on most of them.

Then people at my government job started losing hours and getting cut. Not me yet, but if things don't get better economically, which I don't think they will, I could get cut too - even lose my job altogether.

My husband still has his job, too - so we're thankful for that.

We can still pay our bills. For now. But the Sword of Damocles is over our heads, and all it takes is one big hit - and we're down for the count.

At ages 56 and 53 we won't be whipping up a new life anytime soon either, or new jobs. I'm not saying we couldn't find jobs - but with the economy the way it is, I bet it wouldn't be very easy to find new jobs.

Our house needs repairs - nothing serious, yet, like the roof. But we literally live from paycheck to paycheck.

Yes, we've saved a small amount of money - and we're trying to hold onto that in case we need it, but it is only $5300.00, with another $3300. in a CD at a bank.

My husband's retirement went down so far the company had to hire retirement account-sniffing beagles to find it again.

Social Security is going broke - and Obamanomics will cause the speed with which it dies accelerated.

Now, I'm a Christian, and I have been taught that the Lord takes care of His children. I'm also a studier of history and I know that Christians have suffered terribly as martyrs for their faith. So the Lord does take care of His children in this life, but He doesn't spare them when they are stuck in the middle of a war or a country that is disintegrating. I've read enough first person accounts of Christian suffering from WWII alone to show me that when the going gets tough, Christians are often in the lead. Since this is Satan's planet, it is often the evil and the wicked that are spared, at least in this life.

So while my faith is very strong, and I realize that no matter what, "though He slay me, yet I will trust Him," I'm not feeling very protected in a human way.

God does not save us from the consequences of our stupidity.

So, I humble myself to His sovereignty. My husband and I have finally stopped saying, "what the heck" and we do NOT use credit cards.

If our teeth fall out and our cars break down, oh well. We'll be toothless bus riders.

I know I'm concentrating on the negative. I'm also looking ahead and seeing disaster ahead, and that may not necessarily be so, and if it is coming, why dread it now before it even gets here?

Perhaps that is human nature, I don't know. But I'm full of dread and my husband? He's so stressed and unhappy - even more than usual (he's not known as Mr. Happy in this life) - that he makes it worse. The Happy Couple. Oh yeah.

I'm at the point where I'm fantasizing about getting in a car, on a train - whatever (not a plane, however) - and to just keep going until I can't go anymore, and then.....well, that's not realistic.

Who's that crazy woman that tried that a couple of years ago when she couldn't face getting married (who can blame her??) - the one that then, once she got "away" and realized she had no way of living, lied about her disappearance and said she was kidnapped? And her fiance? The news doesn't follow up on these cases, although it would be fascinating if they did - I read that shortly afterwards, he took off. She was too looney for him - and who could blame him either?

So the fantasy won't become reality.

Prayer

2007-12-19T22:02:00.000-05:00

No matter what as ass I am, nor how stupid, Lord, never let me go; never give up on me; help me even when I don't deserve it or understand and appreciate it; please keep me. Just keep me - from hurting others, from being a burden, from stepping on my own feet. Please love me even though I am eminently unlovable. As God, have pity on me, an idiot.

No Title

2007-12-19T21:51:00.000-05:00

Am I really a person who doesn't get over anything? I thought I put all my failures behind me years ago - as they occurred. And the strange thing - I dream about my ex-family and husband all the time. Sometimes my present husband is saving me from them and all the pain they represent.

I just reread the post from May about my ex-family - where did that life go? How could I have chosen that life? Why did I marry my first husband? Why didn't I ever believe in myself?

Why aren't I loving? Why did I fail my daughter so? Why do I fail every important person in my life? Why do I fail myself?

What is the purpose of my existence? I certainly don't bless anyone, nor am I a witness any longer. I'm just inhabiting days like a stranger, and waiting for them to end. The past looks like heaven to me, when I was young and strong enough for all the nonsense that is the world.

I wait for my parents to pass away, and for time to pass away as it does without my permission. Time doesn't wait for me to figure things out or get the courage to continue. It just goes inexorably on, taking me with it, inadequate to the job.

Another Great One Passes Over

2007-06-14T22:16:00.003-04:00

Someone I have greatly admired for years is Ruth Bell Graham. I love Billy Graham, but I recognize in Ruth someone, I think, with more depth and more accurate Biblical knowledge. Also someone who was a very Biblical wife and mother in her support for her husband.

She passed over to heaven today at 5:05 PM while I was napping after work. I wonder if she, as she was leaving earth, floated above the town called Tsingkiangpu in the old days, Huaiyin now, in China where she was born and grew up. I wonder if she stopped to travel up the old Grand Canal. Did she hover above the Montreat house where she has spent so many years, in the mountains she grew to love?

So many are over on the "other side" now that I have admired. June Carter and Johnny Cash. Zola Levitt. And now - Ruth Bell Graham. I bet her mother and father were very glad to see her. And, just like she did on earth in their home in North Carolina, she will prepare for Billy's home-coming, to make sure he is comfortable and has a familiar and loved face to greet him.

Ruth was the serious, learned, Biblical side of the couple, while Billy was the rambunctious, emotionally religious, powerful preacher side. Without her tempering, he might have become more of a caricature of a preacher, more of a Billy Sunday, and less of a real, grounded person with the message of salvation. She kept him from being tacky, TV preacher material....she kept him on task and faithful to the Word.

It seems that Franklin has a touch of his father's need to be tempered, but no Ruth to temper him. He also has inherited Ruth's stubbornness and strength, which, in the following case, doesn't seem to be good.

Franklin has started the Billy Graham Library which, as you can read, has some tacky elements like a talking cow. He has insisted, evidently against the wishes of Ruth herself, Ned his brother and Patricia Cornwell, the writer who has immortalized Ruth in her biography, "Ruth, A Portait - The Story of Ruth Bell Graham" that Ruth be buried next to Billy at the library.

In this article it is evidently Ruth's wish, as well as her son Ned's, that she be buried at the Cove, a religious retreat in the NC mountains that Ruth designed and is much more tasteful. According to the Washington Post article linked above, Ruth designed the memorial gardens at the Cove to be her and Billy's resting place.

I have some thoughts on this problem. It seems, according to the pronouncements made today by the family, that Ruth and Billy will, indeed, be buried at the Billy Graham Library, against Ruth's wishes.

Ruth Graham had a great sense of humor, and she was the force that tempered the Southern Fire and Brimstone Preacher in her husband. When the Resurrection of the dead comes and Ruth finds that she has been buried for however many years it will be until that day, next to a barn with a talking cow, she'll look over at Billy and just laugh out loud. It won't matter then whether it was a good decision or not - it will just be plain old flat out funny.

2007-06-14T22:16:00.001-04:00

A Voice From the Past

2007-05-03T23:10:00.000-04:00

Hello little computer diary. Something strange happened a bit ago. I was in bed, ready to read until I fell asleep and my husband played the messages on the answering machine. One of them was from my ex-husband's little sister. I've been divorced from my first husband since 1993 - 14 years - as long as I was married to him. Numbers. 14 years married, 14 years divorced, 4 years dating.....his little sister was a year old when I met him. He was 19. I was 18. She was a surprise in spite of birth control. His mother was 39 at her birth. All the years I knew them, she was growing up. I always loved his mother - loved and kept a little apart from. She loved me, but her first loyalty was to her son, and I wasn't the best wife to him in her opinion. And she resented my privileged upbringing and couldn't identify with my non-Hispanicness and my non-cityness. I was a hick from the country, but I intimidated them. There were racial and class barriers between us, but I was naive and vulnerable and young. And I expected nothing less than love. Hearing that voice on the machine made me cry - it was so unexpected. I heard her voice, realized who it was - and memories came pouring in......I got a silly grin and told my husband who had asked, "who the heck is that?" "She's one of your graduates (she graduated from the school he works at)" I responded, all proud of her......and it all flooded in. And I found myself crying - and surprised at my memories, emotions and tears.

They were fascinating to me. My ex-mother-in-law's parents lived in the city when I first met her son. They had an apartment on one floor in a three floor building and their other daughters had apartments on other floors and next door. Being with his family was like being in a foreign country......and I was hooked.

The whole Hispanic thing was so different to me. How the women were like noisy flowers always dancing around the men - and how the men seemed so unworthy of all the attention. My ex's father was a total enigma. He never spoke or made eye contact. He was like a super Marine in attitude all the time. Even his speech was rough and staccato, like a machine gun. His English was so accented I couldn't understand him anyway. Later, after I was married, I had to travel from New York to Florida alone with this man, him driving one vehicle and me the other - and we bonded a bit - at least as much as could be with someone who rarely speaks. He approved of me because I was light skinned and a "step up" for his son. Forget about whether his son and I were suited to each other. My ex's father was very good looking - better looking than his sons by far.....but who could ever get close to a statue that doesn't speak or look at anyone - and I wondered how the heck my mother-in-law could be with him in any way. They ended up divorcing way before her son and I did. Olana had ideas about marriage, especially from her 1950's American teenhood, and, even though she was a dutiful Hispanic wife, she just couldn't be happy with such a cold, rough man.

I used to go to my parent's-in-law's every weekend. I'd drop by and hang out all day. My then-husband worked a million hours a week as a store manager and I spent a LOT of time alone and lonely. As soon as I got there, she always made coffee. We always shared coffee. My little sister-in-law, of course, was there. When she was small, she suffered from asthma. As she grew up, she outgrew that problem.

My ex had two sisters and one brother. He was the oldest, then his first sister and then his brother - and last of all, the baby - the one who left a message on my answering machine the other day, that I heard just a little while ago.

All these years have gone by - and I was so unexpectedly inundated with memories...fond memories....of people who have long ago walked out of my life. And it made me cry. I miss them in a way. I loved them - and still do somehow. And her voice - the little girl I watched grow up, who felt a little like my own child, and who helped out when I had my own child - that voice just undid me. She said things like, "I'm sorry to bother you....I don't want to bother you or Jannie (my daughter)....but my mother just wants to know if she is ok". And I wanted them to pull up outside, I wanted to go back in time and smell coffee brewing, throw open the door. I wanted to see the older daughter and Olana and Lanie, the baby daughter.

How can they have been my family - and then a whole life just ceased, and they no longer existed? I don't know.....but I'm closing my eyes.....and I'm pulling into that decrepit neighborhood and that driveway in front of the house that my ex's lived in.....the vacation bungalow from the 1920's that was not a sufficient house for anyone, but they made do. The big trees out front, no air conditioning, windows open, but neat as a pin inside. All gone now. I don't even know if that little house is still standing - in a way, I hope it's not - it wasn't very nice then, and it sure couldn't have gotten better.

I'm just so caught in these memories. When we first moved to Florida, we lived around the corner from each other. I used to be able to walk to their house. I missed my own parents and family - and they became my family. I was closer to them than to my husband, their son.

I'll surely call them tomorrow, but we'll be shrouded in today and separated by awkwardness and time - and that will break my heart.

We All Go Down

2007-03-14T23:08:00.000-04:00

Age

2007-03-14T22:59:00.000-04:00

Look how virile he is, how his voice is deep and strong
Look how he lifts his children up over his head in joy and play
and finds the heaviest chore easy
All you who are young remember that age will come.....
The most handsome amomgst us
The most talented
The most beautiful
Whose mouth is like honey
And whose thoughts like eternity
All Fade like grass

Just a Thought

2007-03-14T22:33:00.000-04:00

I was here before you found me.
I existed before then in all of who I am.
I cried and laughed and was beautiful and alive before you were around.
I can do it again by the grace of God.
I don't exist because of you - we share a path, but we can walk it separately.
You don't define me - I've learned who I am a long time ago and that won't change.

There are still things you don't know. There are so many visions that you aren't even a part of - and they are beautiful.

I can live on them again and in them again - they are a part of my sinews and the very basis of me.....you are just a part.

Leonard Bernstein

2007-03-14T22:19:00.000-04:00

How can I explain the pain I feel when I look at pictures of Leonard Bernstein? I've always had a problem with pictures of people, starting with my parents when I was pretty small. I always see something in them, a spirit perhaps - something in the eyes?

I've downloaded Bernstein's "Make Our Garden Grow" from his Candide.....it's so beautiful, it gives me goosebumps - both the music and the lyrics..."we're neither pure nor wise nor good...." "before we die, make some sense of this life".......

The music is so breathtaking, it literally makes me tear up. Then there's his "West Side Story" and his Mass with it's "Simple Song".....

I think of this Jewish son of Jewish refugees from Russia. His father was a businessman who liked that his son had a love of music - but not as a calling, a career. Leonard had a different plan and made it happen.

He was physically beautiful, he had a flare for drama - if you look at his photographs, he just has a way of holding that cigarette, holding that head of thick hair, looking off into the distance with that leonine face......

As a believer, I feel a special burden for this son of Abraham.....the picture of him against the Wailing Wall with his yarmulke on chokes me up.

I imagine him trying to make sense of the Holocaust - and trying to believe in a God that could allow that to happen - and I wonder how many other Bernstein-like artists got swallowed up by the evil of Hitler.

I read about his bisexuality/homosexuality and his depression. He was devoted to his wife and stayed by her side as she died of cancer. He adored his children - and.....he lived his life.

I pray to God that he found solace under the wings of the almighty somehow. He left us a great legacy of beauty and grace here on earth.

Does Anyone REALLY READ This Crap?

2006-09-20T08:01:00.000-04:00

Here is the complete text of the speech Ahmadinejad made to the UN on September 17. Basically, the speech starts as an Islaamic Sunday school class.....let us observe:
(My interjections are in Bold, as well as a few portions of his speech that I wish to comment on.)

"In the Name of the God of Mercy, Compassion, Peace, Freedom and Justice
(insert the Islaamic god here - Allah - not known for mercy, compassion, peace, freedom OR justice.....that is.....unless you, too are Muslim)

"Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen, "Today we have gathered here to exchange views about the world, its future and our common responsibilities towards it. It is evident that the future of the world is intertwined with its current state and the prevailing trends, which exhibit signs of hope and despair.
(very general statement - like, no duh)
"On the one hand certain hopes and opportunities exist, and this August Assembly is convened on such hopes. Today human thought reflects outstanding commonalities which provide appropriate grounds to build upon.
(what planet is HE on? Human beings are tearing each other limb from limb every day, everywhere, but we sure do share common thought.....just like we share common thought with this idiot)

With the passing of the era of agnostic philosophies, today humanity is once again joined in celebrating monotheism and belief in the Creator as the originator of existence. This is the common thread which binds us all.
(Once again, what planet is HE on? I don't know anyone, outside of a few fellow believers I communicate with online and a few I work with, that believes in Creation. Western civilization is currently not celebrating monotheism - more like no-theism, actually - and it certainly doesn't believe, in general, in the Creator as the originator of existence.)

"Faith will prove to be the solution to many of today's problems. The Truth will shine the light of faith and ethics on the life of human beings and prevent them from aggression, coercion and injustice and will guide them towards care and compassion for fellow beings.
(OK - here we go. What this lunatic says is true, although he doesn't mean it this way at all. Christ, during the Millenium, will rule with justice for all the human race - He, Christ the Messiah, is the Truth. On the face of it, this statement seems innocuous enough. The Truth - which to most of Western civilization, is an amorphous glow of some faint echo of Judeo-Christian ethic, wrapped in modern "no-God" clothes - is a generic phrase. One must always consider what the SPEAKER means. Ahmadinejad means unequivocally the "truth" of Islaam. Once everyone is Islamic, no problemo, ok? We won't have to kill you because you will be one of us, living in that fantastic and comfortable 7th century style.)

"Another hope is the common global appreciation of the sources of knowledge. Although reason, experience and science are among valuable sources of knowledge, the darkness of the Middle Ages deprived major portions of the Western world of appreciating. This reactionary tendency deprived many of access to various scientific findings and knowledge and led to the exclusion of other sources of knowledge namely God and knowledge based on revelation from the life of human beings in the West; Divine knowledge that was carried and disseminated by such prophets as Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Mohammad (peace be upon them).
(OK - let me translate. While the Western world was slogging around in the Dark Ages, the "enlightened" East was experiencing the oh-so-scientific discoveries of Mohammed and his 9 year old bride. He is actually saying that the West fell irrevocably behind in the Middle Ages and that Islaam is what the West missed out on.)

"Today, agnostic thinking is on the decline and presently humanity is equally enamored with religion knowledge and spirituality. This is an auspicious beginning. Divine prophets teach us about proper regard for the exalted state of human beings on earth.
(Once again - what planet is this guy on?)

"The human being is blessed with dignity, most importantly manifested in being the viceroy of the Almighty on earth. The Almighty placed humans on earth to develop it, institutionalize justice, overcome their egoistic tendencies and praise no lord but the Almighty.
(Note that I highlighted the last phrase. "Almighty" = Allah. Once again, if we're ALL Muslim is what Ahmadinejad means.)

"Faith and good deeds can bring deliverance and the good life even in this world. Attaining this depends on human will, that is the will of each and every one of us. We must heed the call of our common primordial nature and achieve the realization of this good life.
(Oh yeah - I can't wait to wear a burqah and let my husband beat me, be unable to go out of my house without a male accompanying me and be barred from education or public life.)

"On the other hand, the prevalence of military domination, increasing poverty, the growing gap between rich and poor countries, violence as a means to solve crises, spread of terrorism, specially state terrorism, existence and proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, the pervasive lack of honesty in interstate relations, and disregard for the equal rights of peoples and nations in international relations constitute some of the challenges and threats.
(You know, he means the US, Israel and Europe, right? Yes, he really does not mean himself and Iran here.)

"Although these challenges are very real, we believe we are not predestined to experience them. Our common will not only can change this course but in fact can lead us to a life filled with hope and prosperity. Divine revelation teaches us that "The Almighty changes the fate of no people unless they themselves show a will for change" (Holy Quran, 13:11).
(Hey - how about those Quran passages? Anyone ever figure out what the Quran really is? It's a hodge-podge of 4th to 6th century Jewish and Christian religious writings that were outside of the accepted beliefs of Jewish and Christian thought of the time. And I mean word for word copies from these original sources. In other words, it's "out there" stuff compiled from the existing religions of the time, sort of like grabbing some writings of some way-out Christian sect of today and mixing it well with New Age writings and making a new religious book and religion out of that. The Quran contains word for word copies of Jewish Talmudic writings. So much for Mohammed's supposed vision of an angel that told him what to write.)

"How can we influence the future of the world? When and how will peace, tranquility and well-being for all come about? These are the fundamental questions before us.

"We believe that a sustainable order, nurturing and flourishing peace and tranquility, can only be realized on the two pillars of justice and spirituality. The more human society departs from justice and spirituality, the greater insecurity it will face, so much so that a relatively small crisis, such as a natural disaster, leads to various abnormalities and inhuman behavior.
(Hey - correct me if I'm wrong, but when there is a natural disaster anywhere in the world, including Iran with it's many terrible earthquakes, the US is the first one there with tons of aid of all kinds - medicine and the doctors to prescribe it, food, supplies - you name it. We - the US - pour it on. That doesn't sound like inhuman behavior to me.)

"Unfortunately, the world is rife with discrimination and poverty. Discrimination produces hatred, war and terrorism. They all share the common root of lack of spirituality coupled with injustice. Justice is about equal rights, the correct distribution of resources in the territories of different states, the equality of all before the law and respect for international agreements.
(Gee - you mean discrimination like hatred of the Jews? Nah - probably not.)

"Justice recognizes the right of every one to tranquility, peace and a dignified life. Justice rejects intimidation and double standards. As the eminent daughter of the Prophet of Islam has said, "justice brings tranquility and harmony to our hearts."

"Today, the world is longing for the establishment of such justice. If humanity heeds the call of its primordial nature with firm resolve, justice will emerge. This is what the Almighty has promised and all people of good will from all religions are waiting for. If the prevailing discourse of global relations becomes one of justice and spirituality, then durable peace will be guaranteed.
(Translation - if everyone becomes Muslim, then "justice" will prevail.)

"Conversely, if international relations are defined without justice and spirituality and void of moral considerations, then the mechanisms for promoting confidence and peace will remain insufficient and ineffective.
(Translation - if everyone doesn't become Muslim, then jihad will prevail.)

"If some, relying on their superior military and economic might, attempt to expand their rights and privileges, they will be performing a great disservice to the cause of peace and in fact will fuel the arms race and spread insecurity, fear and deception. If global trends continue to serve the interests of small influential groups, even the interests of the citizens of powerful countries will be jeopardized, as was seen in the recent crises and the even natural disaster such as the recent tragic hurricane.

"Today, my nation calls on other nations and governments to "move forward to a durable tranquility and peace based on justice and spirituality."
(Everybody become Muslim, or else.)

"Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen,
"The Islamic Republic of Iran is born out of a movement, based on the pure primordial nature of a people who rose up to regain their dignity esteem and human rights. The Islamic Revolution toppled a regime, which had been put in place through a coup, and supported by those who claim to be advocates of democracy and human rights, thwarted the aspirations of the nation for development and progress for 25 years through intimidation and torture of the populace and submission and subservience to outsiders.
(Regime = Shah. Advocates of democracy = US/Israel. Outsiders = US/Israel. The whole first sentence = we made everyone become fundamentalist Islaamic in Iran. Anyone of any other religion was immediately in danger for his life and property.)

"The Islamic Republic of Iran is the manifestation of true democracy in the region. The discourse of the Iranian nation is focused on respect for the rights of human beings and a quest for tranquillity, peace, justice and development for all through monotheism.
(OK - they say that evil people always tell you what they really mean, if you listen. Hitler did. He told the world what he expected to accomplish, and the world proceeded to be appalled and shocked at every move, just the same. Here, Ahmadinejad says in the last sentence exactly what he means - the world will achieve justice and peace only when everyone is Islaamic. Monotheism = Islaam.)

"For 8 years, Saddam's regime imposed a massive war of aggression and occupation on my people. It employed the most heinous weapons of mass destruction, including chemical weapons against Iranians and Iraqis alike.
(Too bad they didn't wipe each other out in the process. It would have saved us a lot of trouble.)

Who, in fact, armed Saddam with these weapons? What was the reaction of those who now claim to fight against WMDs regarding the use of chemical weapons back then? The world is witness to the fact that the Islamic Republic of Iran, because of its humanitarian principles, even during the most testing of times and when it was sustaining the highest number of casualties, never allowed itself to use such weapons.

"Thousands of nuclear warheads that are stockpiled in various locations coupled with programs to further develop these inhuman weapons have created a new atmosphere of repression and the rule of the machines of war, threatening the international community and even the citizens of the countries that possess them.

"Ironically, those who have actually used nuclear weapons, continue to produce, stockpile and extensively test such weapons, have used depleted uranium bombs and bullets against tens and perhaps hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, Kuwaitis, and even their own soldiers and those of their allies, afflicting them with incurable diseases, blatantly violate their obligations under the NPT, have refrained from signing the CTBT and have armed the Zionist occupation regime with WMDs, are not only refusing to remedy their past deeds, but in clear breech of the NPT, are trying to prevent other countries from acquiring the technology to produce peaceful nuclear energy.
(Since Ahmadinejad is talking about the US, when exactly did we use atomic weapons in Iraq and Kuwait? Again, what planet is he on? Note Israel = Zionist occupation forces.)

"All these problems emanate from the fact that justice and spirituality are missing in the way powerful governments conduct their affairs with other nations.

"After September 11, a particular radical group was accused of terrorist activities -- although it was never explained how such huge intelligence gathering and security organizations failed to prevent such an extensive and well planned operation.
(Radical group = Al Qaeda. Huge intelligence gathering....failed to prevent = thanks, President Bubba)

"Why powers that, not so long ago, were supporting the activities of such groups in Afghanistan and thus portraying themselves as supporters of human rights and the Afghan people have over night turned into their most fierce critic?
(Could be because those we supported against Russia then turned and became our enemies.)

"Are we to believe that their benefactors, i.e. the very same hegemonic powers have lost control? "If the answer is yes, would it not be better for those powers to adopt an honest and transparent approach to the international community, provide precise information about the main elements and their arms and financial support system, and accept responsibility for their inhuman actions against nations and countries, and thereby assist peoples and nations to correctly, wisely and sincerely fight the roots of terrorism.
(Say what? Give you precise information about what? And there's that word, "inhuman" again. I guess supporting the world financially is inhuman, giving aid wherever it is needed at a moment's notice is inhuman. If Admadinejad defined what he means by "human", I think it would be pretty scary, involving mullahs, burqas, men with goats, etc.)

"We must endeavor to achieve sustainable tranquility and peace based on justice and spirituality.
(Spirituality = Islaam and don't forget it)

"Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen,
"Terrorism and WMDs are two major threats before the international community. The Islamic Republic of Iran, as one of the main victims of terrorism and chemical weapons, fully appreciates the difficulties that lie ahead in the road to combat these menaces.

"Today, the most serious challenge is that the culprits are arrogating to themselves the role of the prosecutor. Even more dangerous is that certain parties relying on their power and wealth try to impose a climate of intimidation and injustice over the world make bullying, while through their huge media resources portray themselves as defenders of freedom, democracy and human rights.
(I love the way evil people turn the truth right on it's head. The good becomes the bad, and the bad becomes the good, willy nilly.)

"People around the world are fully aware of what is happening in the occupied Palestine. Women and children are being murdered and adolescents taken prisoner. Houses are being demolished and farms burnt down. Yet, when the people of Palestine resist these conditions, they are accused of terrorism. At the same time, the occupier, which does not abide by any principles and terror is part of its pronounced and routine policy enjoys the support of the previously mentioned governments. Let me be blunter. State terrorism is being supported by those who claim to fight terrorism.
(Sure - Israel is always blowing people up, always strapping bombs on their children and parading them in the streets.....uh, wait.....no - that would be the so-called "Palestinians", which really aren't Palestinians, since there is no such thing.)

"How can one talk about human rights and at the same time blatantly deny many the inalienable right to have access to science and technology with applications in medicine, industry and energy and through force and intimidation hinder their progress and development? "Can nations be deprived of scientific and technological progress through the threat of use of force and based on mere allegations of possibility of military diversion?
(Right here Ahmadinejad is saying that he wants nuclear capability for medical, (what - to give everyone radiation poisoning that isn't Muslim?) industrial and energy purposes. Yeah, right.)

We believe that all countries and nations are entitled to technological and scientific advancement in all fields, particularly the peaceful technology to produce nuclear fuel. Such access cannot be restricted to a few, depriving most nations and by establishing economic monopolies, use them as an instrument to expand their domination.
(Translation - "I just wanna have nuclear capability for energy needs.....oh and to blow up the world, especially Israel, and make everybody Muslim")

"We have gathered here to defend human rights in accordance with Charter of UN and prevent certain powers from claiming that "some countries have more rights "or that" some countries do not have the right to enjoy their legitimate rights". "We must not, at the beginning of the 21st century, revert to the logic of the dark ages and once again try to deny societies access to scientific and technological advances.
(Now wait a minute. Who came up with this scientific and technological advance? Not Iran. Iran didn't win WWII for the world. So why do they have a "right" to nuclear technology???)

"Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen,
"The UN must be the symbol of democracy and the equal rights of nations. If we talk about the equal rights of nations in political forums, we must talk of the same concept in this forum as well.

"Similarly, if we talk about the right of sovereignty, then all nations must be allowed to exercise their rights on an equal footing and in a democratic process.

"The UN can be the standard bearer of democracy in the world, when it, itself, is a manifestation of democratic process. I reiterate that durable tranquility and peace can only be built on justice and spirituality.
(Translation - everyone should have nuclear weapons everywhere, no matter who they are, especially me. And have I mentioned that everyone MUST be Muslim?)

"Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen,
"The Islamic Republic of Iran is a symbol of true democracy. All officials including the Leader, President, members of the Islamic Consultative Assembly, city and village councils are elected through the vote of the citizens. The Islamic Republic of Iran has held 27 national elections in 27 years. This showcases a vibrant and dynamic society in which people widely participate in the political life.
(Um....the women don't vote. So much for "vote of the citizens". I guess women aren't citizens, maybe they're more like goats in Iran. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you don't vote for Ahmadinejad, you're dead, right? So, like, how is that vibrant and dynamic.....vote of the citizens???)

"Because of its key importance and influence in the important and strategic Middle East region, the Islamic Republic of Iran is committed to contribute actively to the promotion of peace and stability in the region.

"Saddam, Taliban regimes were both the products of foreign powers. The people of Afghanistan and Iraq know very well who supported these two regimes.

"Today, to establish peace and security in the region, foreign occupation forces must leave and completely hand over the political and economic sovereignty of these two countries to their peoples.

"The Islamic Republic of Iran will continue to provide full and comprehensive support to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan and their elected governments, and will actively help them in the establishment of order and security. My country will continue and expand its sincere cooperation and interaction with them.
(Iran will support, but the US isn't supposed to? Interesting - nothing like a double standard.)

"In Palestine, a durable peace will be possible through justice, an end to discrimination and the occupation of Palestinian land, the return of all Palestinian refugees, and the establishment of a democratic Palestinian state with Al-Quds Al-Sharif as its capital.
(Translation - no Jews left in Israel. Anybody recognize what city "Al-Quds Al-Sharif" is? I've never heard of it - and yes, I know he means Jerusalem.)

"Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen,
"Today, more than ever, nations need constructive, positive and honest cooperation and interaction in order to enjoy a dignified, tranquil and peaceful life based on justice and spirituality. Let us enter into a collective covenant to realize this legitimate aspiration of our nations.
(There's that "justice and spirituality" again. Just like Hitler, he is telling us what he intends to happen. The whole world will be Muslim, and he will assist that process in any way he can.)

"Here, I would like to briefly talk about the approach and initiative of the Islamic Republic of Iran on the nuclear issue. Nuclear weapons and their proliferation, and attempts to impose an apartheid regime on access to peaceful nuclear energy, are two major threats, challenging international tranquility and peace.

"Keeping in mind that in past years no serious efforts complimented by practical mechanisms -- have been made to move towards full disarmament and more specifically implement the decisions and outcomes of the NPT Review Conferences of 1995 and 2000, I suggest that the General Assembly, as the most inclusive UN organ, mandate an ad-hoc committee to compile and submit a comprehensive report on possible practical mechanisms and strategies for complete disarmament.
("Complete disarmament" - why do we need to disarm if you only want nuclear power for energy? Why does our nuclear capability threaten you?)

"This Committee should also be asked to investigate as to how contrary to the NPT -- material, technology and equipment for nuclear weapons were transferred to the Zionist regime, and to propose practical measures for the establishment of a nuclear-weapons-free zone in the Middle East.
(This is exactly what Joel C. Rosenberg writes in one of his fiction books - that the leader of Iran speaks to the UN and demands that Israel disarm nuclearly (is that a word?)

"Some powerful states practice a discriminatory approach against access of NPT members to material, equipment, and peaceful nuclear technology, and by doing so, intend to impose a nuclear apartheid.

"We are concerned that once certain powerful states completely control nuclear energy resources and technology, they will deny access to and thus deepen the divide between powerful countries and the rest of the international community. When that happens, we will be divided into light and dark countries.
(Interesting choice of words - light and dark, eh?)

"Regrettably, in the past 30 years, no effective measure has been implemented to facilitate the exercise of the legally recognized right of NPT state-parties to have access to and use peaceful nuclear energy in accordance with article IV. Therefore, the General Assembly should ask the IAEA in accordance with article 2 of its Statute to report on violations by specific countries that have hindered the implementation of the above article and also produce practical strategies for its renewed implementation.

"What needs our particular attention is the fact that peaceful use of nuclear energy without possession of nuclear fuel cycle is an empty proposition. Nuclear power plants can indeed lead to total dependence of countries and peoples if they need to rely for their fuel on coercive powers, who do not refrain from any measure in furtherance of their interests.

No popularly elected and responsible government can consider such a situation in the interest of its people. The history of dependence on oil in oil rich countries under domination is an experiment that no independent country is willing to repeat.

"Those hegemonic powers, who consider scientific and technological progress of independent and free nations as a challenge to their monopoly on these important instruments of power and who do not want to see such achievements in other countries, have misrepresented Iran's healthy and fully safeguarded technological endeavors in the nuclear field as pursuit of nuclear weapons. This is nothing but a propaganda ploy.

The Islamic Republic of Iran is presenting in good faith its proposal for constructive interaction and a just dialogue.

"However, if some try to impose their will on the Iranian people through resort to a language of force and threat with Iran, we will reconsider our entire approach to the nuclear issue.

"Allow me, as the elected President of the Iranian people, to outline the other main elements of my country's initiative regarding the nuclear issue:

"1. The Islamic Republic of Iran reiterates its previously and repeatedly declared position that in accordance with our religious principles, pursuit of nuclear weapons is prohibited.
(Say what? Where in the Quran does it say NOT to use weapons against anyone. The Quran is decidedly violent against non-Muslims. Mohammed didn't know about nuclear weapons. Imagine if he did?)

"2. The Islamic Republic of Iran believes that it is necessary to revitalize the NPT and create the above-mentioned ad-hoc committee so that it can combat nuclear weapons and abolish the apartheid in peaceful nuclear technology.

"3. Technically, the fuel cycle of the Islamic Republic of Iran is not different from that of other countries which have peaceful nuclear technology.

"Therefore, as a further confidence building measure and in order to provide the greatest degree of transparency, the Islamic Republic of Iran is prepared to engage in serious partnership with private and public sectors of other countries in the implementation of uranium enrichment program in Iran. This represents the most far reaching step, outside all requirements of the NPT, being proposed by Iran as a further confidence building measure.

"4. In keeping with Iran's inalienable right to have access to a nuclear fuel cycle, continued interaction and technical and legal cooperation with the IAEA will be the centerpiece of our nuclear policy.

"Initiation and continuation of negotiations with other countries will be carried out in the context of Iran's interaction with the Agency.

"With this in mind, I have directed the relevant Iranian officials to compile the legal and technical details of Iran's nuclear approach, based on the following considerations:

"4.1. International precedence tells us that nuclear fuel-delivery contracts are unreliable and no legally binding international document or instrument exists to guarantee the delivery of nuclear fuel.

"On many occasions such bilateral contracts stopped altogether for political reasons. Therefore, the Islamic Republic of Iran, in its pursuit of peaceful nuclear technology, considers it within its legitimate rights to receive objective guarantees for uranium enrichment in the nuclear fuel cycle.

"4.2. In its negotiations with the EU3, Iran has tried in earnest to prove the solid and rightful foundations of its nuclear activity in the context of the NPT, and to establish mutual trust. The selection of our negotiating partners and the continuation of negotiations with the EU3 will be commensurate with the requirements of our cooperation with the Agency regarding non-diversion of the process of uranium enrichment to non-peaceful purposes in the framework of the provisions of the NPT.

In this context, several proposals have been presented which can be considered in the context of negotiations. The Islamic Republic of Iran appreciates the positive contribution of South Africa and H.E. President Mbeki personally in the resolution of the nuclear issue and cognizant of South Africa's active role in the IAEA Board of Governors would welcome its active participation in the negotiations.

"4.3. The discriminatory approaches regarding the NPT that focuses on the obligations of state-parties and disregards their rights under the Treaty should be discontinued.

"As the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran, I assure you that my country will use everything in its power to contribute to global tranquility and peace based on the two maxims of spirituality and justice as well as the equal rights of all peoples and nations.
(BINGO!! There it is, folks!! Translation - Iran will use everything in it's power to make sure the whole world is Muslim - it's right there in black and white.)

My country will interact and cooperate constructively with the international community to face the challenges before us.

"Dear Friends and Colleagues,
"From the beginning of time, humanity has longed for the day when justice, peace, equality and compassion envelop the world. All of us can contribute to the establishment of such a world. When that day comes, the ultimate promise of all Divine religions will be fulfilled with the emergence of a perfect human being who is heir to all prophets and pious men. He will lead the world to justice and absolute peace.
(There's that 12th Imam again. If only Admadinejad knew he was speaking the truth - but it isn't the 12th Imam that will bring this justice for humanity. More like the 12th Imam is the Antichrist - and the Lord Jesus Christ is the Messiah who will rule in justice.)

"O mighty Lord, I pray to you to hasten the emergence of your last repository, the promised one, that perfect and pure human being, the one that will fill this world with justice and peace.
(I second that wish, but in my own words - may the Lord Jesus Christ come quickly.....this planet is nuts!!)

The World Is An Emptier Place

2006-06-27T18:53:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading about Rob Smith's death. God, he was such a fighter. How about these immortal words from Grouchy Old Cripple - "He always played above his weight." The commenter who said those words should go on Rob's tombstone was right. He was one well-loved man by everyone who visited his blog. Yes, he was feisty and outspoken - so what? He was honest and you don't find that these days anywhere. He said his daddy was a Tall Dog and he always wanted to be one - I know he was one.

He has been immortalized at Day by Day cartoon, by Chris Muir. He was a Hemingway and he DID have the charm - ask any lady who met him.

What gets me is that I've never met him or spoken to him - yet, when I heard he had passed, I surprised myself by starting to cry. I understood that underneath the crusty exterior was a diamond - I loved to read about his garden and the vegetables he looked forward to eating. He got dive-bombed by mockingbirds out in his garden recently - and he admired the mother mockingbird because she was just trying to protect her babies - that's a man after my own heart. I loved to read his stories about his mother and father, and how he loved his mother. I hated to read about his cut-off relationship with his son - it was too painful.......HOW could his ex-wife deny him his son - a man's son, for God's sake.

I still can't believe I won't be able to read his blog posts anymore.....it's a very sad day.

Yay for Justice!

2006-06-22T20:37:00.000-04:00

FINALLY!! Some justice for the people and not for the lousy developers and lawyers. Tough shit, Mayor Guilianti - you can buy some more stuff for yourself with the payoff from Charles "Chip" Abele, a.k.a., developer - on another deal - this one ain't going through. HA HA HA HA HA!!!

In my experience, which is vast, I tell you - anyone with a name, a nickname and a surname is a gangster. For example, "Lucky" Louie Amontado (I made that up, but it's typical - the only difference is the nickname is in front) or Joey "Fists" DeVito. You get the picture. So, "Chip", ole boy, go take a flying........you get the drift......and take the Mayor with you.

The Freakin Muslims Are At It Again

2006-06-13T06:51:00.000-04:00

I read this article in the Sun Sentinel this morning. Since the Muslim worlds' stated desire is to take over the world; since we are the Great Satan to them; since they import their hatred to our shores through teaching at mosques - I say do NOT cave in - don't let them build their mosque in your neighborhood. First off, where is the money coming from to rebuild? I bet it's coming from off of our shores. The store owners that no one likes - their profits get sent back to the Mideast to fund terrorism.

The Muslim religion says it's ok to lie and twist things:

"This is really shocking, and for it to come from a commissioner, it's really disturbing," said Imam Hasan Sabri, spiritual leader of the Islamic Center. "We should be working to bring people together and not create divisions among people."

Oh yeah - THAT'S rich - because Muslims try to bring people together.....dead people maybe. People after they've been slaughtered - they're all thrown into a communal grave - in that way I suppose you could say they bring people together. This is a good example of how they move to a country and use that country's laws against the country's inhabitants - and to further their own cause. Anyone who believes that this Hasan Sabri really means what he says should go get a brain transplant. Oh - and he's the Imam, right?

If this thing goes through, let's all attend a "service" at the mosque, IF we are allowed to do such a thing - and check out the "sermon".......I'll bet Mr. Sabri changes his tune then, and we see the real deal. Regardless - I don't care if this just happens to be the only good mosque filled with the only wonderful Muslims in the world. I hope this black community stays together and sticks it to the interlopers. The next logical step would be to send them all back to whichever lovely Middle Eastern country they came from.......I'd help pay for THAT.

I also noticed that the land was purchased in a predominantly black Christian community. The Muslims know that there is prejudice in this country. They know that black people have less power in the community - so that's where they buy land. When it comes to building their mosque, they know the people in power aren't going to give a damn. If they had bought in a rich white neighborhood, say, in Palm Beach, they'd never get the thing built, I'm thinkin'.

OMG My Cats Are TOO Cute

2006-06-11T15:06:00.000-04:00

Squeebles and Junior Beans - Junior Beans is the white and orange one. Squeebles likes to sleep with me like this also, but he wraps himself around my arm. He is my lovey boy. Aren't they unbearably adorable? Sigh.

Wanna Get Scared?

2006-06-10T06:49:00.000-04:00

This stuff scares the you-know-what out of me. And this. And this
Brigitte Gabriel and her family lived in a crater underground for 10 years, after having lived a comfortable and prosperous life. Why? Muslims became a majority in their country of Lebanon. Ms. Gabriel says that the present Muslim revolution, a.k.a. Muslims trying to take over the world, began in Lebanon, not Iran in 1979. Before Iran. I remember when Lebanon was at war. I believed the news that it was a civil war. Not so - it was Muslim crap. All it took was more Muslims than anyone else in the country - and presto - instant horror and misery.

And President Bush is making deals with these people?

Hello, It's Friday

2006-06-09T06:46:00.000-04:00

Just letting the world know that I'm not miserable EVERY day. Today is Friday, I'm getting ready for work. I should have a semi-busy day with enough projects to keep me busy, yet not nuts. Then, it's Friday afternoon.

On the negative side (you KNEW I had to put SOMETHING negative in here) - I usually have all these rosy dreams about The Weekend and all I will accomplish. I'm going to start a really serious Bible study regimen (I promise myself this pretty much every day). I'm going to weed the whole yard until the place looks gorgeous. I'm going to clean the house - and then light all the candles and plug in the Christmas lights (yes, I have Christmas lights up all year round. With a depressive personality like mine, I NEED them). Then Friday afternoon hits. I come home - the vista of all I want to accomplish is in front of me - and I sit down and fall asleep. Sometimes I actually DO some of the things I meant to. Usually I just end up cleaning and doing laundry, which seems to me SO useless because I'm just gonna do it again in a few days. It's something I want to get out of the way - restore order from chaos - before I attempt any OTHER jobs. And usually by the time I'm done cleaning and doing laundry, my back is killing me and all I want to do is sit down. Okay, you say - then you can do the Bible study. Nope. Because I'm also tired after all the cleaning and laundry - so I inevitably fall asleep.

On that note, I'm off to work, after which I'll come home and ........ enjoy my weekend, whatever I end up doing.

I think we may be buying a new fridge this weekend. Stay tuned for the excitement.

By the way - if you wonder whether I have any opinions about the news, or am I just wrapped up in my own little world....yes, I do. I hate the news. The world sucks. We're all gonna die - maybe sooner, maybe later. Them there's my opinions. Covers it all.

The Kittens....And Mama Kitty

2006-06-04T12:25:00.000-04:00

I hate this planet. I hate the rules here. Animals suffer. People suffer. Since the kittens in the back yard would only grow up to be four big bird killers, along with their mama, we had to take them (the kittens) to the Humane Society. My husband caught them this morning.

The kittens need care anyway. They had fleas and ear mites and I know they had hookworms because the mother - the same mother of Junior Beans, who had hookworms - has them.

Their eyes, when I could get close to them, looked sad, as if they already know what they have been born into. Yes, they cavorted all over my back yard, climbing my tree stumps that have bird feeders on them. But their eyes were not like the eyes of my four pet cats. Always wary, and when I would speak softly to them, sad.

Their mother is a whole other story. She is a small cat - probably not long out of kittenhood herself. Her eyes are like a beaten refugee's eyes. Wary, always wary - and unutterably sad.

All I could do is feed them. So I put out dry Iam's kitten food and cans of good cat food, too. I made sure they had water - and I occasionally slipped kitty vitamins into their food. But like all good things on this piece of shit planet, the food got covered with flies, in between being eaten - and even though I put the food in the shade, as the sun moved across the sky, eventually the food would sit in the sun, too.

Since I already have 4 indoor cats, there is no way I can take anymore - so that was out of the question. We agonized before adopting her last lone litter baby - Junior Beans.

So this morning while I was out, my husband caught the 4 little babies. For now, they have each other. They were taken to the best option we could find - the Humane Society. I don't even want to think about if they are found to be sick - they will be euthanized. And I hate to think of them being separated - but who will take 4 kittens? And, realistically, once kittens get older, they are single animals, not prone to family ties from kittenhood any longer, anyway. I also hate to think of them being adopted by someone who just wants to give Little Johnny a new toy to play with, until he gets bored.

I hate this planet. I hate the human beings who have made it shit. I hate the fact that sin has changed all the good to bad. The fact that animals hunt other animals and kill them.

Just a little while ago, after having cried myself out over the kittens, missing their little bodies peeking out from various bushes and stumps in the back yard, missing how they climbed up to the bird bath to drink (even though they have a nice big dish of fresh water) - I was sitting on the porch. I was feeling better, eating my lunch. Then I saw mama kitty. We want to catch her to have her spayed - and then return her here to live out her life. So the cage is back out and there is food in there. She cautiously entered the cage and ate. No problem. Then, like a good mother, she came out of the cage and called her babies. Faint, little repetitive meows carried on the air from back by the gate she and her kittens used to climb under - to me on the porch. I'd heard her do this before - and soon, little heads would peek under the gate, followed by four little tumbling bodies ready to eat.

I couldn't stand it. She kept calling and no one, of course, was coming. I immediately starting bawling all over again and tried to go out and explain it to her. I approached her and she watched me - and I tried to explain, if she could understand somehow the tone of my voice, that her babies aren't here anymore. Stupid, I guess. Sentimental, for sure. She just looked at me, waited for me to go back inside - and proceeded to continue calling for her babies.

This. planet. sucks.

Did I Mention I Abhor Developers?

2006-06-02T07:08:00.000-04:00

I wanted to use a different word than "hate", since I use that one so much. Here's reason #564398 why I detest developers. Oh - and note the Italian last name of the developer. Interesting, isn't it how stereotypes are SO accurate. So let's sum this one up - we have the Mafia involved in South Florida development - I'm shocked I tell you.....shocked and dismayed. Well, not really. If there's crime and greed, then usually the scum of the earth are gathered right nearby ready to pounce - and that would include the Mafia, as well as other sundry scum. Also note the developer's lawyer, ready to defend his snow white reputation. Another type of pond scum, lawyers.

And then there's Ken Jenne himself. Of COURSE he's been doing illegal things involving - gasp - money. But why single him out? How about investigating every single politician in South Florida, from local to state. They're all doing the same thing - bending over, pants down to whoever puts the most money in their pockets. It's the South Florida way.

That's why South Florida is pretty much a very large concrete slab with some non-native, scraggly houseplants dotted around. Oh - and a few palm trees. Ya gotta have palm trees.

Personally, I'd like to see those nice straight palm trees put to good use - up politicians, lawyers and developers arses.......the palm frond part would have a nice roto-rooter effect.

Rich People REALLY Piss Me Off

2006-05-23T10:22:00.000-04:00

I was reading this blog entry on Boudicca's Voice. From time immemorial there have always been useless, overly wealthy people. Yes, they own businesses where poor slobs in the working class gain employment. No, I am not a Communist or a Socialist. I'm not overly fond of people in general anyway. So I'm an equal opportunity disliker - rich, poor, Capitalist, Communist - doesn't matter to me. I totally prefer animals to people. So, when I get pissed off at really rich people - it's the norm - just the reasons are different. Rich people don't have to think about money, except how to spend it or who to screw with it. They aren't worried about medical bills, having enough insurance, wondering if they'll be able to afford to retire, home repairs (as in "can I afford to fix it?). They aren't looking for jobs or suffering through working at one, with all its' attendant stresses. They are planning what wine to drink with dinner, which will be cooked by some Mexican illegal, while they gaze at this particular home's landscaping (also thanks to some Mexican illegals, no doubt).

I won't go on and on about how unfair life is. That is a given. At least in this country, with hard work, you can level the playing field a bit. And I AM thankful for those things I DO have. I'm not living in a cardboard shack in a third world country waiting for a mud slide to bury me. The rich - and useless - have always been with us.

Pslams 49:15-17
"15 But God will redeem my life from the grave;
he will surely take me to himself.
Selah

16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich,
when the splendor of his house increases;

17 for he will take nothing with him when he dies,
his splendor will not descend with him. "

and Ecclesiastes 5:8
"Riches Are Meaningless :

8 If you see the poor oppressed in a district, and justice and rights denied, do not be surprised at such things; for one official is eyed by a higher one, and over them both are others higher still. "

You know the phrase, "the only two things you can count on are death and taxes"? Well - nix on the taxes for the rich - however, death knows no boundaries. He takes the rich as well as the poor.

Me? I'm wishing that some hungry Florida alligators would polish off a few useless, wealthy people, instead of clueless natives and/or vacationers - and grab a couple of developers for dessert. But that's another peeve for another day.

Oy

2006-05-16T20:41:00.000-04:00

This is dedicated to my long-suffering husband. Since my sister is visiting next week, my husband and I have mistakenly tried to disguise the fact that we live in an older home that we have not spent 24/7 fixing up. No - we have enjoyed ourselves for the past 4 years, travelling and spending whole days photographing whatever we want. In between, I've kept the place clean, and my hub has done various odd household jobs - or had them done.

First fiasco. We MUST hide the fact that my daughter left the garage/bedroom half painted. Not just any ole' half painted, but part painted black - yes, black - and part painted bright green. Not one of the areas she attempted to paint is completely finished. There are areas near the ceiling and near the floor that are not done - she painted the middle of the walls - in various places. My noble husband decided he would try to rectify the matter, even though painting is the very least of his talents. When he paints, he gets it on the ceiling, himself, the floor - and parts of Cooper City. His brother has also been banned from household painting - evidently this trait is genetic.

Second fiasco. We tried to match the green paint my daughter ran out of. It didn't go well. We ended up with a much darker green, which isn't bad, but it doesn't match the rest of the green she already painted.

At a certain point today, I said - "no more paint must touch these walls". It was so bad - the green was so dark, streaky and patchy - plus, my husband, true to his blood, had gotten paint on several surfaces where it should not have been. Especially THIS green paint.

Next - the fighting. This is a given. Stress + suddenly seeing our house from "visitor's" eyes brought on the recrimination and then the insults.

Oh stupid me, who puts the emphasis on what's important - on the WRONG important. This stuff isn't important.

So, after we yelled at each other and said mean things - he continued to clean the porch, throwing out junk we've been "storing" out there. I cleaned out various closets, and we both put the bed back down (the mattress and box spring were upright against the wall) in preparation for someone sleeping in it.

All I can say is - someday soon we will be laughing a LOT about this whole mess.

Three......Uh.......Four Kittens

2006-05-13T07:43:00.000-04:00

Our backyard is Kitty Haven. I first discovered this in April of '05, when I discovered two kittens in the big plastic collapsible shed on the side of our house. Their mama had decided this was a good place to raise her babies. I started bringing them cans of tuna and cat food. This is a picture of one of them with a bit of tuna stuck on his little chin.

My husband caught one of these babies and gave it to a young girl who works at his office. She also volunteers at a cat shelter, but she kept this one for herself. She already had a grown cat, and the little one became inseparable with her big cat. I forget what she named the kitten, but it is full grown now, happy and fat.

Ok, I thought, that's it. Good deed done. We were unable to catch the other kitten, and over time I stopped seeing it in the backyard. I also stopped seeing mama kitty. In the best of all possible worlds, perhaps they moved on. I don't think about the alternative to the best of all possible worlds.

The next episode happened in January. A kitten that must have been born a week or two before Wilma hit us started appearing in our backyard. This one was more pitiful. I never saw the mother, and this one attempted to eat the peanuts I put out for the blue jays. If you know anything about cats - they don't eat peanuts in the shell unless they are starving.

Ever the sucker, I started putting out food and water for this baby. Before long, we were able to catch it using a carry cage we have for our pet cats. (Have I mentioned this is the House of Cats?) We brought him in and kept him separated from the three we already have. We took him to the vets, where he was pronounced a healthy "he" and given his first shots. He was allowed out with our other three and they all got along fine. We named him "Peanut" at first, but then opted for "Junior Kitty" or "Junior Bean". So I'm not imaginative. He doesn't care. He bonded with Squeebles. Squeebles was the only cat that was appalled when he first met Junior Bean. He hissed and spat. The others just ignored the newcomer. Within 24 hours, Junior Bean and Squeebles were the best of friends. Squeebles became "Uncle Squee" and mentored Junior Bean, teaching him how to sit with his tongue sticking out (looking particularly retarded) and other important cat lessons. They sleep all rolled up together, wrestle and chase each other around, and they clean each others ears and head.

This is a picture of Uncle Squee on the left and Junior Bean on the right.

OK - so NOW it's May 06. When we had our fence fixed that was knocked down by Wilma, I put blocks down all around the bottoms of the fence to keep out cats. And I didn't see any for a looooong time. Until this week.

They're back with a vengeance. I believe one of the kittens from last year has grown up and had babies. I've seen the mother and father. Mama Kitty is a calico and Dad is a white with orange pieces. Sound familiar? Check out Junior Bean. Same family. Probably his brother, or the brother of the original two kittens from April of '05. Trailer Trash Cats. Appalachian Cats Anon.

I saw two kittens a few days ago. One that looks just like Junior Bean, only smaller and one that is half white and half dark brown, kind of calico-like. Considering the parents, this is a no-brainer. So I put out some cat food. I don't want them to kill the birds that come to our yard, and I don't want them to starve.

I put out food this morning, and first the calico mama came and ate. Then I heard her call her kittens with a kind of continuous meowmeowmeow. She disappeared under the fence (did I mention that the blocks under the fences don't work?). Pretty soon, a little head popped up under the fence and pushed into our yard. Followed by a second. Then a third. Wow! I didn't know there were three babies!! They all commenced to eat. About 5 minutes into breakfast, a fourth one popped through the fence. Sheesh!! Four little kittens. I tried to get a picture of all of them, but only succeeded in getting two. By the time I got my camera, two had eaten and run. I'll try again tomorrow morning.....but in the meantime, here is the new batch 'o kittens.

In honor of the little foursome.....remember this nursery rhyme? The only difference is - where it says "three", I changed it to "four".

Four little kittens,
They lost their mittens,
And they began to cry,
Oh, mother dear,
We sadly fear,
Our mittens we have lost.

What! Lost your mittens,
You naughty kittens,
Then you shall have no pie.
Meow, meow,
Then you shall have no pie.

The four little kittens,
They found their mittens,
And they began to cry,
Oh, mother dear,
See here, see here,
Our mittens we have found.

What, found your mittens,
Then you're good kittens,
And you shall have some pie.
Purrr, purrr,
Then you shall have some pie.

Four little kittens,
Put on their mittens,
And soon ate up the pie.
Oh, mother dear,
We sadly fear,
Our mittens we have soiled.

What! Soiled your mittens,
You naughty kittens,

And they began to sigh.
Meow, meow,
And they began to sigh.

The four little kittens,
They washed their mittens,
And hung them out to dry.
Oh, mother dear,
Do you not hear,
Our mittens we have washed?

What! Washed your mittens?
They you're good kittens!
But I smell a mouse close by.
Meow, meow,
We smell a mouse close by.

Visit

2006-05-12T06:52:00.000-04:00

My sister will be visiting in 2 weeks!! She never, and I mean never, travels. The last time she went farther than her neighborhood radius was too many years ago to think about. So, she's taking a plane and coming to visit me in ~~hell~~ Florida. I'm excited - and I've begun to look around me with visitor's eyes. All the things I'm used to and don't mind, come jumping out at me. Like the fact that every once in a while, a Palmetto Bug (aka, giant roach) appears in the house somewhere. The cats torture and kill it, but still - Northerners have no clue when it comes to bug size. If she sees one of those, she'll keel over and I'll have to call 911. So we're doing extra spraying around here. We just got a new front door that eliminates some of the spaces bugs used to get into the house. Next weekend, the French Doors replace the disgusting sliding glass doors - and more bug spaces will disappear.

Then there's the fact that we own an older home that has only one bathroom. Sigh. The bane of my life. I lived in a condo before this that had two bathrooms. But now, only one. With an old tub. My husband uses this bathroom. 'Nuff said.

Anyway - I'm looking forward to her visit - and dreading her reactions at the same time. WIll she hate Florida? Probably. Will she feel sorry for me being stuck living here? Yeah - probably. Will I agree with her? Yup. Will this make me feel worse? I'd give that a 10 in probability.

And last but not least - my sister is coming to visit in less than two weeks - a sister I haven't seen in a few years - and I'm concentrating on stupid stuff, surface stuff. I should be shot. I better not say that too loud, since shooting happens a lot in South Florida, and somebody might take me up on it.

Well - whoever you are, have a WONDERFUL FRIDAY!!

Florida Is Nothing If Not Armageddonish

2006-05-11T12:57:00.000-04:00

While we hold our breaths for another potentially disastrous hurricane season, fires are wrecking what is left of the trees not downed in the past two years.

I live in South Florida, which gives one an even more intense flavor of End of World. The people here are nuts, internationally nuts - since there are more foreigners here, both legal, illegal and visiting than you can imagine. There are few trees left between the developers and the last two years of hurricanes. What's left are stick trees covered with little clumps of leaves - what looks like tons of poodle trees. Very ugly, very sad. There are murders here every day. What small amount of tropical beauty left is being covered by concrete.

There are still LOTS of tilting power poles from Wilma, homes and condos with damaged roofs, either covered by blue tarps or just falling apart openly.

And the relentless march of time continues to June 1st. No doubt, on the first day of hurricane season, the "gate" will open and there'll be something swirling around in the Atlantic looking to land somewhere in Florida. I can hardly wait.

The other evening, sitting in my backyard, which I have attempted to make into a tiny wildlife refuge (native bushes, lots of them - bird feeders, available fresh water every day), little specks of ash kept lazily swirling to the ground. The sky was dark with smoke and the air was stifling from the heat and lack of breeze. Luckily, some of the darkness was caused by some few clouds that deigned to squeeze a few measly drops of rain onto my parched property before moving on. So, as the fires burn, soon to be followed by hurricane winds and torrential rains, followed by flooding, possibly of a disastrous nature (if Lake Okeechobee dike bursts).......I'm just blogging away here feeling ever so Armageddonish.

Don't Nap in the Late Afternoon

2006-05-07T19:18:00.000-04:00

I was working on my photos at around 4:45 today, and it got so that I couldn't keep my eyes open. So, ok, I figure - nap time. I up and get into bed (I never made the bed - it's Sunday!!) and promptly fall asleep. The next thing I know, the phone rings. As I wake up, I realize the series of dreams I just had. All bad.

I'm driving with my sister at night. The road is pitch black. She puts on the high beams and I go to lock my door. I hear a crash, the car veers wildly, it is suddenly a hot afternoon and my sister is leaning over me. I've been shot in the face, and I try to remember not to pull on my nose - it might come off.

Before this, I was walking along a hot sunny road. I put down my purse to collect some flowers or something. Next scene I'm driving and an officer pulls me over. He asks me if I've lost anything and hands me my purse that someone found along route 27 (a highway in central Florida). I burst into tears when I realize what COULD have happened - everything stolen, etc.

I'm walking along and as usual, it's hot and sunny. I'm walking along a sidewalk that passes in front of 3 or 4 small entrances to apartments. These are in the middle of nowhere, so it's odd - and there are woods a little ahead after the last apartment. I realize in my dream that my parents live in the last apartment. Suddenly, I see a black snake come out of the woods and race toward me. It is incredibly fast and I can't get away fast enough. I end up dodging it and trying to step on it. It doesn't bite me and I finally get away.

Last, but not least, after I get shot, I'm miraculously fine (dreams are certainly NOT about reality!!) and I'm trying to get away. The guy who shot me is chasing me and still trying to finish me off. I throw things at him, I throw water so he'll slip on the floor. I try to throw a knife at him and he keeps trying to aim and shoot, but I keep throwing things. THEN the phone rang and I wake up.

I am NOT taking afternoon naps again anytime soon. In the back of my head is where I keep all my worries and sadnesses - and I guess some of these popped up in dreams.

I'm worried about no rain. We are dry as a bone here and the sun, it is relentless every day,all day. If we are told to limit our watering, I'll feel very bad for my thirsty bushes, as well as the birds and critters that visit our backyard.

I'm worried about my parents - my dad is 87 and my mom is 78. They are ok, but, come on - the time, it is rapidly approaching, when SOMETHING will go VERY wrong, one way or the other. This is also a great sadness.

I miss my daughter, I'm fat and I'm getting old.

There - just call me an optimist, eh? Sheesh - I SWEAR I'm never napping in the late afternoon again. Now.......maybe in the EARLY afternoon won't be so bad....

Trying Out FireFox Performancing

2006-05-04T20:06:00.000-04:00

Wow! I can type this right from my browser and then publish to my blog.....life is good.

Dang

2006-05-04T07:02:00.000-04:00

Woke up this AM in the middle of a dream that my husband and I were visiting some friends I haven't seen in ages - they moved away. Evidently they moved to Costa Rica, because that's where I dreamed we were visiting them. My friend's daughter was in an American ex-pat private school there and after she picked up her child, we went out to eat. I looked out the window at the Spanish style architecture and for dessert there was some kind of tart with hot tropical type fruits in it - it was good, by the way. Suddenly, I hear my husband calling me - and it's time to get up.

Oh - and before I met up with my friend, we were at some kind of place where they raise herring to feed to ducks. The guy who ran the place was Japanese, but we were in Costa Rica, in the mountains (does Costa Rica have mountains???). I looked up at the ceiling once and noticed there was a hole in the plaster through which you could see the metal grid. There were REALLY BIG rats walking around nonchalantly up there - and everyone took it in stride. After all, this is Central America, right? No problemo. The rats were the size of super-beavers. I remember thinking that if these people were comfortable with this, perhaps it really wasn't that big a problem.

Now it's up and off to work. Yesterday, I officially decided that if I don't do something about my eating and exercise habits, I'm going to die soon. So I came home after eating some tuna fish for dinner, took a shower - and proceeded to eat nothing until bed. No glass(es) of wine, (too many carbs and I'm too fond of it anyway) no snacks, nada. I brushed my teeth, took some vitamins and relaxed. About 9PM I went to bed and fell asleep, feeling virtuous rather than guilty. Today, when I get home, I should do some laundry and maybe ride my bike a bit. And also - less carbs, more protein and less food all around. I hate being fat.

Go Directly To Hell - Do Not Pass Go

2006-04-27T06:59:00.000-04:00

That's pretty much what I would tell a group of Muslim women in Dearborn, MI who want their local gym to fix it's facilities to suit Sharia law.

If I see the same crap where I live, I'm going to tell them straight out - and not be polite - to either form their own gym (after all it's still a SOMEWHAT free country) or go back to the Mideast, which I would actually prefer. In other words, you don't like it here? Get the hell out. Or go to hell, which, as far as I'm concerned, Muslims do anyway - they are not Christian, ergo, they are in big trouble, eternity-wise. No politically correct bullcrap for me. I'm going to say what I think. The Muslims are trying to take over the world - and they are using the laws of the countries they live in to twist things their way. If the West doesn't recognize this soon, pull it's pants back up over it's exposed butt and stand up - we're all going to be told to wear burqas (fat chance on my part).

Prayer

2006-03-29T09:51:00.000-05:00

I'm in the middle of a study on Prayer by Pastor Henry Hastings of Atlantic Bible Church:
http://www.archangelbibleministries.org/current.htm

It has literally revolutionized my spiritual life. Prior to this, I had no real idea how to pray or even WHY to pray. I just figured that God knew everything anyway, and He'd do whatever He wanted anyway - so why bother? Now I see things totally differently.

Prayer is what God wants us to do. He wants us to ask Him for what we need (even though yes - He knows already) - and here's the important part - for what we need to fulfill His will. Not just for what WE think we need. What we need to glorify Him and to do what He wants us to do in this life.

I cannot emphasize enough how this has changed the way I look at prayer. I swear I could never even understand the purpose for it. So, needless to say, I've not done much praying.

But I've had a hunch for a long time - and this is the first time I've had it corroborated.

From reading the Bible, I've seen where people like David, for instance, have quoted God's own contract to Him (you SAID you'd do this....) - which is the Bible, His Word - and so the Lord, by His own will is bound by the agreement He has made.

I don't understand all the ramifications of this....just that He wants us to know Him, know His Word and hold Him accountable to that Word.

Once I can remember praying according to what I had learned of Him. A friend's father was dying of stomach cancer. He could not eat and he wasn't that far gone yet. This was very bad, and my friend was agonizing over her father's situation. I was imagining what it must be like to BE him, and so I went to prayer. I prayed that, since God has given us all - the evil AND the good - the power to eat and swallow.....that he restore it to this man if it was His will to do so. My reasoning was that eating and swallowing are meaningless body functions - they don't make someone right or wrong. As such, they are kind of a gratis function. If Hitler had it, then I was praying that this man could have it until it was his time to go.....

Within a few days, he was able to eat. Not just eat, but eat steak and watch movies with his family. He did not survive, but the time he spent being utterly miserable was very short, in contrast to what it appeared it might have been.

That's when I got the impression that God likes to be quoted His own promises, He likes to be reminded of His own attributes in prayer. I don't understand the whole of it - or how attractive a trait this may be in a God.......but He is the Creator of the Universe, and who am I to say one way or the other. If this is His plan, then I am eager to follow it.....and I am VERY grateful for His bringing to me someone (Pastor Hastings) who could finally illuminate my mind on this subject.......

Are We A Clause In A Book?

2006-03-29T09:49:00.000-05:00

I've done a lot of reading in my 50 years. I've read all kinds of books, but I favor non-fiction. In the past few years, I've read "Flu: The Story of The Great Influenza Pandemic" by Gina Kolata and "Krakatoa: The Day the World Exploded: August 27, 1883" by Simon Winchester. One of the interesting things about reading books like these is that you know what is coming, you dread it, you don't want to continue reading - but you can, because you are just a reader. You are not the story. That's long past. Some lived and some died. But the action covered in a short sentence in a book may have taken a year or more to occur in the real life of a participant. And they didn't know what was coming. So they went from day to day thinking, "Is the worst over?" "Boy, I sure got sick, but I'll be real careful from now on to stay away from sick people...." - or whatever. And then boom. Disaster overtakes them running. In the short space of one sentence in a book, several months or more of a person's day to day life is covered.

And the reader just heaves a big sigh, thinks how tragic it all must have been, and closes the book to do something else.

Having lived through two hurricanes last year and watched 4 hurricanes rake other parts of Florida the year before that I have to wonder. Are we here in South Florida a paragraph in a book? Something like this:

In April of 1918 there was a mild flu that erupted in Western Europe and then ran it's course. However, it was just in hibernation. During the summer it was morphing into a killer. By October of 1918 it was ready to burst onto the scene of history as a deadly virus with symptoms similar to today's Ebola. (These are my own words - not a quote from a book, but the facts are true).

Are we the sentence "however it was just in hibernation"? When the hurricane season strikes this year are we going to get hit with a Big One? So many roofs are still covered with blue plastic. So many fences are still not fixed. The trees look like spindley sticks with pom poms of leaves here and there - at least the ones that didn't keel over and get chopped up and made into mulch. There are still concrete (yes, concrete) poles that are leaning at a Hitchcock angle. And June first is only three months away. The beginning of hurricane season. So many days have gone by since October 22, when Wilma hit here - and so many more days to come.....all in the short space of a sentence in a book.

I wish I could close this book and get up and get a drink or something. I sure wish I wasn't in this particular story, and to say that I'd like to leave Florida before the next hurricane season is an understatement of monumental proportions.

Oh - and let's not even get started on the bird flu - the touted H5N1 virus just like the 1918 flu that is poised to pass from birds to people in the space of a sneeze.......is there a deserted island I can get to quick - out of the hurricane zone???

Head Full of Tripe

2006-01-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't had much to say lately. And it's not like nothing has gone on. BUT I have a job interview tomorrow, I can't sleep - and the ONLY thing I can think of is.......Mummenschanz.

Did You Ever Wake Up With a Joke On Your Tongue?

2005-12-18T09:40:00.000-05:00

I did. The other day. My husband woke me up, I sat up in bed, still mostly in dreamland, and remembered that I had been telling this lame joke to people in the dream. Here is the joke. I believe I have made this one up - and it is LAME-O!!

What do you call an important business cow? (Oh yeah - something we all ponder - remember, I DREAMED this - it was totally out of my conscious power).

A mooer and a shaker. Yeah. That's the punch line.

Instead of "mover and shaker".

Don't ask me where THAT tidbit came from in my brain! I have no idea.

When I told my husband, he said it wasn't bad......but how weird is it to dream something like that?

Now WHY couldn't I be telling someone of my WINNING lotto numbers instead? Wake up, remember them, play them - and win? No - it has to be a dumb joke. Sheesh

Ya Can't Keep 'Em Down on the Farm When They've Been to Ole' Paree

2005-12-02T06:45:00.000-05:00

This story
about a cat that wandered off into a paper factory, curled up into a box - and then was shipped to France - is too good to miss.

I can just picture Emily's home-coming, as she joins her neighborhood kitty friends on her first day back.

"Hey, where ya been? Fritz's Fish Fry down the street has been throwing out the BEST snapper! Let's go down to the dumpster now and check it out!!

"Excuuuuuse me? Fritz's? Bah!! (a word learned in France) I only eat escargot. I've been travelling you know. I think I'm going to move on up to New York City - maybe hang around...er....reside near Sardi's. Or perhaps I should move south and enjoy the warm breezes of the Gulf for the winter."

"You'se is gotten too fancy fer the likes of us, Emmy - we're off to Fritz's - seeya around."

"Not if I see YOU first.....REALLY, how COULD I have lived HERE???"

Johnny Cash - The Movie

2005-11-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally went to see "Walk the Line" - and thought both J. Phoenix and R. Witherspoon did a wonderful job. I've always admired Johnny Cash and his wife, June - so it was a no brainer that I'd see the movie.

I used it to deflect all the negative thoughts I've been having at work. I have good reason to have negative thoughts, but that doesn't make it right or good for me. So, when I went to lunch today, I decided that I couldn't continue on mentally as I have. Since I'm training a new person to take my place, which means I have to sit next to and work intimately with, the very people who have humiliated me and intend to get rid of me, once my brain is picked, I needed some inspiration. Tell me this isn't a tough position to be in. Every little laugh by one of my enemies, every triumph of theirs was like a giant thorn in my side. I'd start to think maybe they were right about me - I'm getting what I deserve. Or, why hasn't something like justice happened here? All these type thoughts are just deadly. They serve no earthly good - and they make me miserable. Sooooooo
after lunch, I kept on praying all the time for the Lord to help me. Every time a negative thought came into my head, or a self pity thought, or a thought of fear ("I'm going to lose my job!!" - no sh&t Sherlock!) - I'd stop it in mid-emergency, and ask God to help me some more. As I did this, I found that I was able to smile at people, not to hate them or be obsessed with the situation I'm in. I DO know that God has a plan, and that He will work this out - but in His time, not my own - and that until then, I have to be good to myself by not being miserable.

So - I decided today was the day to go to the movies after work. I usually tell myself that I have things to do at home. My pets are waiting for me, my birds want to be talked to and taken out. The backyard birds we feed need fresh water and food. Etc. Etc. I allow this to keep me from enjoying - so I decided that was a stupid way to be. I knew that the Johnny Cash story would be inspirational to some degree - and I adored June Carter......

and it WAS as good as I anticipated. Plus I enjoyed the early "glimpses" of Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis, as well as Waylon Jennings. The appearance of "Maybelle" - even though it wasn't REALLY her, was neat - as I would have imagined her.

When I was leaving the theater, two older women walked out with me, too. One said to me, "what a love story! I sure wish someone loved ME that way." And I realized - I DO have someone who loves me that way - someone I feel as close to and share as much with as the two heroes of the movie did. Our faith has brought us very close, as the faith of John and June brought THEM together.

I also thought of what's really important in life and how short and fleeting life really is, after all. Too short to let the problems of the present stunt me, make me feel guilty and shameful as if I've done something wrong, and too short for me to constantly feel sorry for myself.

So between the Lord, whom I prayed to all day, and the great movie, I have certainly been blessed and CHEERED!! On a day that started depressing and angry.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

Well, it's another Thanksgiving in my life. And no matter how I complain about difficulties, I have so much to be thankful for. I'm alive, for one. I have a home and health, although I really need to exercise so I DON'T croak. My job? I'm still showing up every day - and being treated like so much dead wood is humility inducing and character building, whether I like it or not. I won't die from it - and it doesn't matter a speck what these people think - I don't like them much either, come to think of it. They're not the kind of people, personality wise, that I'd be attracted to anyway. So the heck with 'em.

Then there's my husband - one of God's GREATEST gifts to me. I had a lousy marriage years ago - and God let him leave me and then gave me someone wonderful in return. Every day he shows me more of how wonderful he is and He is, too.

I'm very proud of my little off-shoot - my daughter. She's a chip off the old block, and since I like myself mostly - I like her, too, as well as love her. And you can't beat family. Blood knows blood, nature knows nature.

So, as this nice long weekend draws near, and the weather looks to get a bit cooler, which my husband and I love, I am mindful that I have eternity to thank my Savior for as well as all the gifts of life He has given me.

Oh - and on another note - I'm going to see the Johnny Cash movie, "Walk the Line" tomorrow - can't wait. That is one man I admired a great deal, as well as his wife. I wrote this a little more than a year ago, after seeing his video "Hurt".

Birds

2005-11-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

What a fabulous morning! We have Veterans Day off (hats off to all Veterans past and present whose sacrifice has made it possible for me to enjoy today - and to blog freely!!)

Even though Wilma left my back yard a shambles, I've cleaned up some - and the birds don't seem to care that a lot of the bushes are minus leaves. We put our bird feeders back up and we are in the birdy diner business again.

This morning I put out millet, suet cakes, black oil sunflower seed (the world class favorite claws down for all birds), fresh water in the two bird baths, a couple of apples slathered with peanut butter - and some thistle seed for finches.

We have a spot breasted oriole that comes and eats anything orange. Note to self - buy oranges today and put them out, too. We have a couple of adorable warblers - a blue gray gnatcatcher, a palm warbler and a yellow butted warbler (I forget the technical name for him). They stay in the bushes eating bugs - they don't bother much with the seed feeders. Since I don't use insecticides, I have plenty of bugs,.

I have some very pushy blue jays that DEMAND peanuts. They get very close to me, as they are used to me, and they just stand there, cock their heads, make cooing noises - and wait for me to be sufficiently bowled over by their cuteness to come up with some peanuts for them. I usually do. Then it's blue jay ballet. They swoop down, dance around, hop like crazy - and basically have a peanut-a-thon. The grackles sneak a couple of peanuts, but my husband says they must have been policemen in their past lives since they dunk everything in the water bath. They try to soften the shell on the peanut that way, I guess - they're fun to watch.

We also have a red bellied woodpecker that comes around for a peanut or two - and we put out special woodpecker bird mix for them also.

Let's not forget the squirrels. I don't mind them stealing the bird food - there's enough for everyone! They are so cute - so cuteness wins them food. No squirrel proof feeders for me! Last week, a little one got stuck in one of the feeders we have for smaller birds. It is a tube feeder, but is fits inside a mesh cage to keep out larger birds. The squirrel managed to squeeze himself inside the mesh - but couldn't figure out how to get out. So I approached the feeder quietly, speaking in a soothing tone (I think) because he was panicky. My husband just picked up the feeder and put it close to the ground and for some reason, at that point, the squirrel was able to squeeze out. To be so close to that little critter was a thrill - I love animals and birds....I could and DO sit in the backyard and watch them by the hour. It is soothing to the soul and funny to watch some of their antics.

I think I'll go back out there and watch a while longer. Wherever I live, I ALWAYS have to have bird feeders!!

Tough Times on the Job Front

2005-11-08T17:03:00.000-05:00

Last Friday I got a nasty, but not totally unexpected surprise. I was told to vacate my office so someone else could move in. I knew I was moving, but I THOUGHT I had to train someone first. Turns out a replacement HAS been hired, but won't start for another few weeks - AND no one else can do the job until the new person has been trained at the home office and given a proper password.

So my boss jumped the gun. Moved me out, but has no replacement. Since this new boss has come onboard a little over a year ago, I've gone from being top dog to being shit wiper upper. Less than that - I'm treated like a criminal - and I know that by June, the skids will have been greased enough to slide me right out the door. Now I understand wanting to put your own people in, but this has been the nastiest, most vindictive, most "I'm real friendly, but don't turn your back" thing I've ever seen. I've READ about this happening to others, but nothing has the flavor like when it happens to you. Wow, you think, do people really act this way? Do they REALLY do this stuff? And the answer is an unqualified "yup". I did this job for 10 years, have an EXCELLENT reputation, never had any write-ups, had awesome evaluations each and every year - and now I'm lower than piss. To come to work thinking "normal day" - and thinking that when the replacement comes, I'll be expected to train - and THEN move.......well, these lovely souls had something more surprising in store.

Move from an office of my own to a desk that has been used as storage in a common office area with other workers. These workers are wonderful, after working amongst the snakes - but still. My desk has no computer, no equipment. It's just a place to sit. And - since the new dept. didn't anticipate my so soon arrival - there's nothing for me to do but stare at the wall. Interesting. Oh how the mighty have fallen, you say - and you'd be right.

So, of course, I'm looking around for another job. I have been, but I'm at the top of my particular area's salary scale - and those jobs are few and far between.

My husband and I would like to move away from Florida anyway - far North Florida is more appealing - but even moreso is the Northwest. I have family out there - my daughter moved to Colorado last year - and I have a brother in the far Northwest.

But my parents are quite old and they live here in Florida - a bit farther north than myself, but still, in Florida. My sister also lives here - she and I are not close, and she visits my parents a lot more than I do.......but I'm torn.

It looks like the door is shutting on the South Florida chapter, and I'm certainly not sorry about THAT - I haven't wanted to live here since my ex husband moved me here in 1979. He doesn't even live here anymore.

Soooooooo - lets see where the shit falls after it hits the fan, euphemistically speaking......

YAY - I've Been Electronicized Again

2005-11-04T19:50:00.000-05:00

We got power on Thursday afternoon, November 3!! I was SO happy, I did 7 loads of laundry, cleaned, vacuumed, polished, etc. etc., until the house was back to normal. Then, instead of lighting candles (EW!!), I turned on Christmas Lights in the house - yes indeed, colored lights draped over the bookcases. It was quite festive if I say so myself. Now to get out of here BEFORE next hurricane season!!

Thanks to Boudicca, who included me on her Florida Blogger Map - I'm on the map, guys - so I guess that makes me semi-legit!

Sorry I'm not more interesting today, but work sucked big time today (like it hasn't for a year now) AND my stomach is making REALLY WEIRD noises.......

If This is Thursday, We Still Must Not Have Power

2005-11-03T07:25:00.000-05:00

5 FPL trucks later - all parked in our street last night - AND 2 FPL guys in our back yard - and here it is the next morning.....still no power. Pioneer Woman is definitely getting testy. I did manage to get out in the front yard yesterday and weed and clean EVERYTHING up - it looks nice out there now. Perfect for selling!!! Hopefully we'll get power before we try to sell in January, but I'm not counting my chickens....

For the past week I've had the WEIRDEST dreams I've EVER had - like watching movies in my head. I wonder if the generators have a hidden message in the motor or something. That constant drone must do something.

I'm actually drooling when I think of living someplace like, say, Ohio. Where people who don't know any better drool about living in Florida. Ohio - where the worst disaster is the smell of old cooking building up in the house come February. Hey! I'm not afraid to open windows in freezing weather for a few hours to air out. Problem solved. Disaster over. Sigh. Plain old ordinary, vanilla Ohio. No reputation for tornadoes, I wouldn't live near enough to a big river to worry about major flood.....I've lived through blizzards as a kid - piece of cake compared to hurricanes!!

STILL NO POWER!!

2005-11-01T13:49:00.000-05:00

This ain't Louisiana or the Gulf Coast, for heaven's sake!! We had a low Cat 3 storm and our neighborhood has no home damage - all the branches are cleaned up, no wires down. But the neighbors across the street have power for 2 days now - and we still don't. Meanwhile, FPL says that they'll work hard the next 36 hours, but after that, it will take much longer. If they weren't a monopoly, it would be nice. Maybe a little competition to get these lines on and electricity running - maybe it would encourage a better protected service. The cold weather has long gone - at least it's not sunny today - but it's damp and rainy and humid. I have a mound of clothes to wash the size of Chicago - and I'm stubbornly waiting for the power to go back on so I can do it in my own washer. I'm SO OVER THIS!! I'm still thankful we didn't have home damage and that the storm wasn't worse. BUT I'm not thankful that we still live here after 10 years of trying to figure out a way to move - and not being able to do so. GRRRRRR. I'm downright cranky.

Cold Shower

2005-10-26T09:39:00.000-04:00

OK - I've got the flu and my hair feels like a glue helmet on my head - it's dirty. So my mission, if I choose to accept it, is to wash my hair in the backyard (in the sun for warmth) by hose. Then to transfer myself to the shower for the rest of said freezing shower. It is 50 degrees outside this AM so this should be FUN. Once I do that it's time to straighten up this crazy looking place. And then PRAY for POWER!! Well, off I go for my Clampett morning of fun - wheeeee!

2nd Night as Pioneers

2005-10-25T19:45:00.000-04:00

Here I am again on the jury-rigged laptop. Nice and cool outside, smell of gas fumes from the grill in the back yard making my hot tea. Yes - I chose NOW to get the flu. I'm no better, so tomorrow I think we have to find a medical facility so I can get an antibiotic and get better. Meanwhile, it's candles, flashlights, cold water (I WANT a hot bath!!) and waiting. Plus I can't surf the net.......just a few moments on the essentials and then it's back to the 1800's. I feel like Abe Lincoln, but thank GOD I don't look like him....then I'd have some serious problems, especially since I'm female....but I digress. And as I digress, I close. Adieu, dear friends, adieu.....

Day After Wilma

2005-10-25T11:32:00.000-04:00

It was a beautiful night last night - no light pollution - we could see the Milky Way! No cars on the road because of the curfew - peaceful! The crisp cool air was wonderful. We have a back yard grill and have heated water on that to make tea of coffee in our french press. Looks like power may be off for a while and there is a lot of damage in Broward and Dade counties. Schools are closed until the weekend, although business are trying to stumble around using generators, if possible. The local Publix is open, on generators, so we got some donuts for breakfast. We cleaned up the back yard a little - have to make some phone calls to insurance companies today, if possible. That's all folks!!

We Made It!!

2005-10-24T19:10:00.000-04:00

I'm using this stupid laptop of my husbands with the keyboard for chipmunks......he's got it jury rigged to our car for electricity and our phone lines are not down, so we can have temporary internet until our power is restored. I made a wrong and very wrong statement this AM about Wilma - she was a BITCH!! Lotsa wind, lotsa rain, lotsa trees down, looks like the Russian army marched through our back yard, which they can now since the fences all around are down. Hey Neighbor!! We had steaks cooked on the grill for dinner and since we have a French Press coffeemaker, all we needed to do was boil water on the grill and voila - Starbucks coffee!! Tomorrow we have to try to clean up the yard somewhat, but I still have a bad cold in my chest, so I don't know how far I'll get. Hope all the other great Florida bloggers are ok out there!! Nighty night~~

4:30 AM Wilma Morning

2005-10-24T04:33:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here listening to Wilma outside. It doesn't sound too bad, just some rattly gusts now and then. I looked at an infrared image and saw that the worst angry red clouds are behind the storm, which explains why it doesn't sound so bad right now.

So I'll just say that we still have power (or I wouldn't be able to post this) and I feel lousy. Just took two aspirin and some hot tea - and will wait out this thing. I'm looking forward to some cooler weather - Just wish a hurricane didn't have to bring it through!!

The Sort-of Flu

2005-10-22T23:22:00.000-04:00

I think I have something akin to, kinda like, the flu. I took Zicam - and continue to take it (swab up the nose thingy) - and I believe it is lessening the symptoms, but not eradicating them.

I'm also taking generic nyquil pills (the liquid makes me gag) and aspirin as needed.

So, with Zicam, I feel somewhat lousy....bad enough to not do much, but not bad enough to go to bed and die.

And we're waiting for Wilma, here. I'm still saying she will sputter out - and I'm certainly hoping that is what will happen, both for Florida's west coast and us on the east coast. No Category 2, thank you - I'll take just barely over tropical storm strength, but only if absolutely necessary. Broward Schools are closed on Monday, so the kids will be happy to have a day off. The business where I work will also be closed, so that is good. Quite good. I need to win the Lotto so I can quit work!!

On that scintillating note, I'm going to stuff another Q-Tip of Zicam up my nose, sit back in my chair and go into a semi-comatose state for a while......

Children in Adult Bodies

2005-10-21T19:41:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking that most adults are really just little kids in adult bodies. Take the way they act, for example. The best place to observe this is at work - interpersonal relations. My mother was a grade school teacher - and she always said she could see what personalities the little rugrats would exhibit as adults. She could tell the catty females, the prissy misses, the bullies, the golden hearts, the heroes......

I'm just saying that, in a reverse kind of way, if you look closely at an adult, you can still see the grade school child inside. You can imagine how he/she might have acted at that age, because they STILL do!!

Take my cousin's boss, for example. Let's say he's manager of business "X". As manager, his management skills are zilch. He assumes everyone steals all the time. He assumes the worst about everyone. Everyone is out to get him, as far as he is concerned (which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy - he makes everyone dislike him). He is a very legalistic sort. Follows ALL the rules ALL the time - no humor, no room for grey areas. Anyone who isn't as priggish and legalistic as he is, is automatically consigned to the ninth level of hell in his mind - and at their jobs under him. His only humor is exhibited when he can laugh at the misfortunes of someone else - or their foibles, because of course, he is perfect and has none.

So, as a grade school child - what would he have been like? The thin-lipped kid with the perfectly combed hair, parted on the side that sits in the corner making careful arrangement of all his blocks. He's Little Lord Fauntleroy, mommy's best boy in his own mind all the time. Let someone come over and touch one of those blocks and the REAL monster comes out. Shrieks and fisticuffs, crying and tattling ensue - by Momma's baby to the teacher. And all the other child wanted to do was participate or help. If the Little Perfect Man sees anyone breaking a rule, he is first to the teacher's desk with a report. He is great in his own little mind and everyone else is stupid. Momma lets him know that "no one is as wonderful as he is." In short, a total brat with a mean streak a mile wide - and someone NO ONE wants to play with EVER.

So he grows up and becomes a manager. Over poor benighted employees. Where he can wreak his brand of stupidity disguised as "Good Citizenship" all day every day.

What kind of grade school child were you?

I was the kind that loved to play outdoors, didn't have patience for WAITING for things, didn't follow rules I didn't like (until I found the consequences worse) - and I thought I knew everything.....I still have my kindergarten evaluation. It's a RIOT. I haven't changed either. Ask my parents - ask my sisters.....ask my husband. It's true.

Wiilma

2005-10-19T06:07:00.000-04:00

Well, it is October 19, well past peak hurricane season here in South Florida, but no one told Wilma. She is officially, for a short time at least, the strongest ever recorded storm in the Atlantic Basin at 884 millibars (Gilbert, the old "contender, was 888). Winds sustained at 175 MPH and gusts at 213MPH......why am I not worried? Well, aside from the fact that the Lord promises to either protect me from OR go through with me, anything He lets in the door.......there is a cold front that will shear Wilma down by the time it gets here. Now, how much shear? I'm voting for SO MUCH shear that it's the STRONGEST SHEAR EVER RECORDED. I'm voting (if I'm allowed) for the cold front, whose time in the season is coming into it's own, to "win" over Wilma, who, as a hurricane, is coming to the end of it's season - and is actually being rude and pushing itself into Cold Front's territory. SO - the Cold Front will mess up Wilma so much it becomes a Tropical Storm, drops lots of rain (a nice amount before the dry season sets in), and then rushes out to the Atlantic and death. The bonus is that Mr. Cold Front chases Wilma so fast, he advances over Florida himself, bringing drier and cooler temperatures. Wilma dies in ignominy. That's my forecast - and I'm praying real hard for it.

New Dragonfly

2005-10-16T00:11:00.000-04:00

Here is a dragonfly I photographed on Friday, around Lake Okeechobee, not far from Moore Haven. What a beautiful color!!

Oh Yeah - Tube Stuff

2005-10-16T00:04:00.000-04:00

I forgot - I promised to explain what "tube stuff" is. It is this disgusting, supposedly salmon flavored (I'M NOT trying it to test) brownish substance in a tube that we buy from Publix. It is supposed to help with fur balls. Whatever. Whenever I go into the kitchen, Neko jumps on the part of the counter over the drawer where the "tube stuff" is kept and Squeebles jumps up on his hind legs and bats at me with one of his free front paws - begging PULLEASE, for some tube stuff. They even know the name, "tube stuff". If they are hiding and I want to get them out the phrase "tube stuff" yelled loud enough and from the proper position in front of the appropriate drawer, will suffice.

Buster does NOT like tube stuff. He prefers mainline cat treats, thank you. And no people food for him, either. Although, I discovered him furtively licking a fork that had been used for fishing out green olives from a jar......what the????

2005-10-15T23:35:00.000-04:00

Our last cat is Squeebles. Once we acquired Buster, and my daughter's cat Neko was discovered at the college dorm - Neko came to live here, with Buster. So then we had two cats. No problem.

Then, my daughter left college and came home. With a third cat. Squeebles, AKA Squeedly Spooch after a Grrrrr character in a weird cartoon. His initial name was "Squee", but I lengthened it to "Squeebles". My husband would call him, "Squatlet", Squidlet", etc. - he is part Maine Coone. He has longer fur than the others, and he is definitely NUTTY!! He has what we call a "seizure" every night around 9:30 PM. He begins to race around the house with no particular goal. He'll stop in mid-run, stare around wildly, and then emit "monkey" noises - weird, gutteral snarly sounds - all different. Some are high pitched and some are not. It's like he's talking in some alien cat language. The other two cats just watch him from safe vantage points - and wait for it to pass. Often he tries to enlist one of them in the rampage, leaping on Buster mostly (not too much Neko of the paws of steel). Buster quickly reminds him that he's BUSY, on PATROL, for heaven's sake, has WORK to do.....as my husband says, "Buster is a hard working, blue-collar cat".

Squeebles favorite way to torment Neko is to sneak up on him and sniff his butt. Neko HATES that!! Neko whirls around, obviously feeling violated, and his face says, "STOP SNIFFING MY BUTT!!" as he takes off, wild-eyed, off for safe places, lying in wait to pay Squeebles back with a swift left hook to the head. When Squeebles gets hit, he shakes his head like a prize fighter that's been hit too many times - and continues on his way a little drunkenly. Squeebles is a very happy-go-lucky cat. He is not afraid of ANYTHING. We had to dogsit my mother's llasa apso for three days once. He LOVED to chase the cats - wait until they got close, and then scramble after them as fast as he could, barking all the way - Neko, especially, would stay on top of the entertainment system for HOURS after that, staring at us accusingly for even allowing such a creature into our home. The ONLY cat not afraid of the dog was Squeebles. He introduced himself immediately and attempted to sniff the dog. If I am running the vacuum I can suck Squeebles' tail right up the tube and get all the excess fur off him - and he just lays there and enjoys it.

The Maine Coone part of Squeebles loves the water. He is our "bathroom buddy". Everytime one of us is in the bathroom, Squeebles cries to come in. Then he jumps up on the sink and waits for the water to be turned on lightly. He puts his nose under the flow to make sure the water is indeed coming out - and then proceeds happily to lap it up. He also loves to play in the tub after one of us has showered.

I am Squeebles favorite. Neko and Squeebles fight over me - rather, Neko fights over me - Squeebles just relaxes and lets Neko be full of angst. At night, Squeebles jumps up on the bed after playing for while, looks for the crook of my arm and plops his fat self in there, up against my chest - and purrs.

2005-10-15T23:16:00.000-04:00

Our second cat is Buster. After our daughter left for college - and initially took Neko with her, we were lonely for a kitty. So we went to the local Humane Society and picked out a pretty little orange-nosed male named inappropriately "Todd". The name did NOT fit him at ALL. After a few days, we realized his name was Buster. He started out very timid, hiding behind pillows on our bed. He fit in the palm of one of my husband's hands. He is the king kitty now. He has adopted my husband as his favorite. He follows him everywhere. He needs "rubbies" MANY times a day - often in the middle of the night. And he'll step on you, poke you and meow at you until he gets said rubbies. His purrs could wake up the neighbors. His favorite trick is to sit on the night table next to my husband's side of the bed - and stare at him, purring. If my husband puts a pillow over his head, Buster will poke at it and peek underneath as if to ask, "what are you doing under there, dad?" To show just how sick we are, my hubbie calls Buster, "son" and "honey". Oh yeah - we're normal. He defends Buster at all times, even in Buster's most bratty stages, and often tells me things that Buster has said like, "Buster told me he doesn't like the air conditioning too cold." Ok. Sure. Buster IS a very loving, easy-going cat. No chasing feather dusters for him. He is into serious work. Blue collar work. He patrols our house for lizards all night long. Often over our bodies, using our faces for a hoist up onto the window sill on a quest for.....lizards. Outside. Where he can't get them anyway. Buster is seriously into rubbies. He has his own patented rubbie station. It is a big, wire brush about 2 feet long, bent into a "U" shape and fastened on each end to a piece of wood covered with carpet. That's "base". If you are playing with Buster - and he runs to this little piece of cat furniture - in his head he's "safe". A few Buster favorites. Fresh grass. He eats fresh grass. Lizard chasing - especially at night - especially through the windows over our bed. Rubbies - all rubbies, all the time. All of our cats like to be scratched on the belly - I've never heard of that before, but our cats are weird. As far as inter-cat relations, Buster is the arbitrator. He doesn't get involved, but once he does, his is the ultimate rule. Sometimes he belts Neko for belting Squeebles. Sometimes he growls at Squeebles for being too playful. Sometimes he ignores them all and goes to bed.

Cats

2005-10-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

We have three cats. The first cat we "acquired" is Neko. A Japanese word that means....you guessed it....."cat". My daughter, like so many of her generation, is into Japanese anime. Neko is a black and white whose most common facial expression is "Oh My God". That's why we call him the "oh my God cat". He is a cat that needs therapy. He has angst. He is Goth. He has issues. He is jealous of the third cat, Squeebles. In fact, he often walks up to Squeebles, stares at him with slit-eyed evil intent (Squeebles usually squints in preparation) and then launches a lightning quick BAP to Squeebles head - just on general principles. Then he continues on his way, satisfied. He has a running hate-fest with Squeebles. When Neko meows, it is a high pitched, "I'm SO depressed, please LOVE me" meow, whiney, yet with subtle overtones of demand. Then he throws himself down on the rug just out of reach of your arm - and stares at you accusingly until you get down next to him and pet him. Usually, just as you get down on the floor, he jumps up and heads to the kitchen, hoping you will hoist yourself up OFF the floor you just got down on - and follow him. He hasn't learned yet after countless "forget it, Neko's" that you are NOT going to follow (and give him some tube stuff - explanation to follow".

The Jewish Bible

2005-10-07T18:41:00.000-04:00

I just bought "The Jewish Bible" by a Messianic believer, David Stern. He originally did a translation of the New Testament for Jewish readers, readers who have memories of a lot of centuries of hatred and prejudice from so-called "Christians". So that was why he did the translation - because Yeshua was Jewish - (duh) and because tentative Jewish believers would find a Jewish rendering of the NT less threatening and foreign sounding to read.

I love it. I have to confess - I've been a believer since I was 19 years old. I am now 50. I've studied the Bible through Pastor Teachers who teach the word exegetically, isagogically and categorically - who are also dispensationalists. It is wonderful teaching.

BUT - I've NEVER read the whole Bible for myself. And believe me, I feel GUILTY (which is a sin - sheesh!!) I've read the easy parts of the OT - the story parts like Genesis and Exodus and even parts of Judges and Joshua. I've read parts of Psalms and Proverbs and Isaiah and the stories of David and Saul. But I've never read the WHOLE THING through. I've read parts of the New Testament - the gospels, which I always end up with questions about - and I love the book of Acts. Romans, especially, and Hebrews next - put me in a coma. Mostly Romans - I think Paul was obsessive-compulsive and was afraid to end a sentence with a period. There are SO many commas and clauses in Paul's sentences that I can't follow them. If I tried to diagram them, I'd need a piece of paper approximately the width and length of my backyard - AND a bottle of wine AND a funnel for the wine.......in short, fuggeddaboudit.

But this Bible translation isn't wooden. The formal phrasing is gone, and you can almost hear Yeshua say, "oy!" But, of course, you don't. I know there are other less formal English translations, but this one puts the Jewishness of Jesus in - and that seems totally appropriate.

I'm going to enjoy reading the Bible through for the FIRST time in my life - yikes!! And I bought the NT commentary by David Stern also - he touches on a lot of Jewish things that non-Jews miss in the NT. I know David Edersheim wrote "The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah", which I also have - but that is a TOME and not easy reading. David Stern's NT translation and his commentary are easy to read and very enjoyable.

So - I'm going to go off and read now.

OK, There Ain't No Stoppin Me Now!!

2005-10-07T18:17:00.000-04:00

This is blurry, but I like it anyway. Call it art. Call it crappy. Call it a couple o' flowers - whatever. I can post pictures!!! Yeehaa!!!

Oh Baby, Have I Got A Dragonfly Fer You!

2005-10-07T18:14:00.000-04:00

Okey dokey - I like this guy's face. What looks like his little white nose is cute.

I THEEEEENK I GOT IT

2005-10-07T18:01:00.000-04:00

This is one - the next one is even better. I have a Nikon Coolpix 8800 which I haven't figured out yet. Sometimes I get really great photos and other times I get blur after blur after blur. But I'm patient - and I LOVE my camera, so no problemo.

I'm A Tardy Blogger

2005-10-07T17:56:00.000-04:00

I READ a lot of blogs and enjoy them, even visit them daily. I rarely write my own stuff. Every once in a while I get a whoosh of motivation that lasts a little while - perhaps a few days or so - and I post many entries.

Or

I have a glass or two of wine and get REALLY maudlin and post depressing grade b or c "poetry".......makes ya wanna burp, doesn't it?

I have to figure out how to post photos - I USED to know how, but I've forgotten. I have a cool picture of a dragonfly......but I may end up ripping my hair out trying to figure out how to post the thing......hmmmmm.

I Got Tagged

2005-10-04T18:17:00.000-04:00

I got tagged by Some Cranky Guy - my problem will be with #5 - I don't KNOW 5 blog-people. Sure, I have blogs listed (proper name is a "blog-roll", which sounds REALLY unappetizing) on the right, below - but I like their blogs - they don't KNOW me, or link to me. So I'll do #'s 1-4 - sorry guys, I'm a part time blogger and I'm an unknown - so who are these guys I'm talking to anyway, eh? What a conundrum.

1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

My 23rd post was on August 27th, 2004 - and we were looking forward to a hurricane, as usual down here......

"I sure don't want it to hit squarely over us, but I don't want it to hit anyone else either. I'm nice that way."

I'm not nice anymore - I want NO hurricanes - I want them dissolved. Period.

Hey! How About That Apocalypse!!

2005-08-30T23:18:00.000-04:00

New Orleans seems to be drowning. Along with too many of it's residents - and let's not forget the Mississippi coast and part of the Alabama coast, too.

The worst scenario - doomsday has come, it appears. The levees have broken - not during the storm, but after everybody had already passed their hands over the foreheads and uttered, "phew, we MADE it." Certainly cruel, if you ask me.

The news footage is like watching some old newsreel from WWII - the devastation, the "oh, this is going to get worse," knowledge. And now the worst elements of New Orleans society - the prisoners and those who would take the opportunity not just to loot, but to shoot anyone who tries to stop them - are running wild throughout what's left of the city.

I've read it's like Sodom and Gomorrah, it's the apocalypse it seems, for a big part of America.

I've made a few donations, but I'd really like to pack up my car, and drive as close as I could get - and just offer myself......here - I want to help. Someone. Anyone. What can I do?

Why don't the cruise lines send some ships in there - and let the helicopters who are rescuing rooftop victims, drop them on the ships instead of the Superdome, which also must be evacuated.

It seems to me that the US government must get on the ball immediately. Get all the helicopters in the US down there ASAP, continue rescuing all they can - and get them all out of there on cruise ships.

Buh Bye Job

2005-08-30T20:43:00.000-04:00

I guess I can write this here - I mean where else could I?

This past year since the old director left where I work - and the new one has come - has been hell.

I've worked at the same place for 12 years. I've built up a great reputation, people come to me because I "know everything".

And this has been blown to bits. Starting last year. The new guy in town decided he wanted to clean house. His evil secretary is the same. So between the two of them they have ruined the lives of a whole lot of people. Demote someone a few pay grades down? For no reason? Why not? Hey - it's fun to have unlimited power!! Make someone's working life hell by taking away any help they previously had, piling more work on them - and then when help is given, it is the village idiot. What fun!! What entertainment!

I have now arrived to the "next" position in the lifeboat. Before me, I watched other fellow workers get thrown to the sharks......and knew my time would come. And now it has. I've been set up wonderfully. In April, take away my assistant, who does Accounts Receivable for me. Tell me I have to make do on my own. I already have 1 1/2 jobs - so now I have 2 1/2. Oh - and this is because money must be saved. Yeah.

Then proceed to hire a couple dozen new assistants, but none for me.

I could go on and on.

The building is painted. My office is the only office not painted. After all, the new owner might want a different color than the one I picked.

I've been at this desk for 12 years. So what? What's loyalty, what's reward for hard work.

There are so many systems and procedures I've set in place - titles I've given to things (that didn't have titles before) that are now officially called by that title. I've contributed so very much - and it's been stolen, I've been job-raped, and they are asking me to bend over and ask for more.

Until June.

Then I can stand up and leave.

Which is what they've been dying for since they came.

For no reason. The director knows I have an excellent reputation - he's told me so himself. They haven't been able to get rid of me because of work - even though under the workload I have now, I am falling way behind - and making mistakes.

I've been told that my job title is being given to someone else, either a new hire - or, I suspect, the buddy of the directors' secretary. At that point, I can either leave - or accept a demotion - down 2 pay grades.

Because I've done what? Gotten a bad evaluation? Nope - this very director gave me an excellent evaluation. Because I've broken rules? I'm one of the best employees they've got. Maybe that's the problem.

So, at 50 years of age, in a system where my job level is scarce as hen's teeth, so switching to another part of the system to keep my pay is pretty much impossible - where do I go???

What do I do with my retirement? If I leave the system, I won't be able to continue to build on it.

I'm just so completely bummed. I should fight. But I haven't regrouped enough yet to do that.

I found out by accident about this plan to replace me. When I confronted the director, he point blank, and very nicely, I might add - told me he was "not prepared to offer me the position" - one which I already hold! WTF???? Oh - and by the way, I'm not REALLY the title that goes with my pay grade, that's just a convenient number - no - that IS my title, buddy.

It's a cold world out there folks. Let me tell you - no one else cares. They look at me as I'm pushed out of the boat and say, "gee, sorry" as they nervously try to back away from the edge themselves. If you even hint that something like this might be happening to you, suddenly you are anathema - no one wants to be near you in case the plague you've gotten might rub off on them.

Meanwhile. you work, because you need the paycheck. While you are now being left out of all loops. You are told nothing - you find out all changes by accident - especially the ones that impact what you do. Each time, it's like a slap in the face. Some helpful person comes to your office and says. "did you hear?" and of course, you haven't - even though it's part of your responsibilities.

I guess I just can't acclimate to the fact that I'm being slowly stripped of everything and propelled toward the door.

I know I need to get the resume together and look for another job. I know I need to talk to a union rep and find out what, if any, my options are.

But right now, I'm just rolled up in a fetal ball. I hurt. I've been betrayed. I'm a loyal and good worker who is being royally fucked over.

Ouch.

Another Dream

2005-08-19T05:58:00.000-04:00

This one was bad. It won't sound bad, but the feeling it has left me with is decidedly unpleasant. I'm having some big problems at work - they are, in short, trying to overwork me until I cave in and quit, which I won't do - and sometimes it is so blatant. New boss wants all his own people. So, maybe it's the rejection that is causing me to let everything out in dreams:

I've remarried my ex-husband. That, if you only knew, is god-awful. It is evidently the symbol in my mind of misery and calamity. His whole family is at our house.

I just remembered. The previous scenes, I am playing with our pet male lion. He is beautiful, and loving - but in the back of my head I'm realizing I have to be careful - one mood change and I'm lunch.

Anyway - my ex's entire unpleasant entourage of a family come over. In my dream, some of them are recognizable and others are not - they are gypsy like, nasty and make themselves right at home. Open the fridge, take bottles of wine, drink themselves silly, etc. I hate them and their behavior. I want my ex to make his family go away, but he joins with them in condemning me for not accepting him and his whole pack. I finally let my ex know I don't love him. I love Joe, the man in my life now (my present beloved husband). My ex is shocked and hurt at my betrayal. The whole family REALLY hates me now - they did before, but now they're actively disapproving. I finally tell them all to "get out". I don't care anymore that I can't please them, that no matter what I do, I am not accepted by them. I tell them I'll call the police if they don't all leave. I'm holding my breath, looking forward to solitude, knowing that when they leave, I will be at peace. They do leave, but come back a few times - after all, the lock hasn't been changed yet.

Then, I try to call Joe. But the phone doesn't work right. I have to call weird numbers. I'm afraid I don't have his phone number right. I realize it's been a long time since I've seen him. Perhaps my remarriage of my ex will have made him find someone else. I run out into the parking lot to find my car - I'll just drive over there. But my ex's family took my car.

Finally, my husband's voice woke me up "It's time to get up" - to go to work. The feeling of utter relief when I heard his voice was unbelievable.

I guess all my anxiety and hurt about my work situation is being channelled into dreams at night about the most vulnerable time in my life - when I was unhappily married and then first divorced.

Sheesh.

Dreams

2005-08-12T08:59:00.000-04:00

The past two nights I have had strange dreams, not that this is anything new. But sometimes I get the urge to write these suckers down. There are symbols in them that I want to remember.

Night before last:
I'm either going to cook or I've finished doing some dishes - in my parent's house (the one I grew up in). Next scene, I have a big frying pan in my hand, but I'm in a used book store with my mother and father. A cute young geeky guy strikes up a friendship with me and I explain about the frying pan, somewhat embarrassed to be carrying it around. However, when it comes to books, I really don't care if I'm looking stupid or not - I'm caught up in the books. Lots of old ones with great titles - books I know I want to buy. The young guy is like a waiter or something, serving coffee and food - like Starbucks. Final scene - he gives me four bagels, reaches out from his counter and puts them in the frying pan for me, as I hold it. You figure it out. The bookstore was old wood, books, coffee - it was FABULOUS - I only wish I would go there in reality.

Last night:
I'm in my parent's house again. I live there, but I'm grown up like now. I want to go up in the attic, because I just know there will be fabulous old stuff up there - letters, books, clothes - things that tell me about the past. When I get up there, my mother has cleaned it all out - it is neat as a pin, and there are no interesting things at all. No clutter, nothing hidden, no surprise finds. I'm very disappointed.
Next scene: my parents are going away and leaving me alone for Christmas. I will be totally alone, and I'm afraid of the dark when I sleep in that house alone. (my parents used to go on vacation and leave me by myself in our big split level home that gave me the heebies - I didn't sleep well until they came home) Plus, I have no Christmas lights up, no tree - nothing to show that it's Christmas. It's not even Christmas looking outside - and there are thunderstorms all the time (I live in Florida - we're having lots of thunderstorms now - and it never looks like Christmas here). I try to go to Walmart - it's Dec. 23 - surely they'll have lots of Christmas lights and decorations - maybe a little fake tree I can put on the table and decorate. They have no trees - just something that looks like a green potted plant - not evergreen at all. They are out of lights, and their ornaments come one to a package, are picked over so nothing is left - and they're expensive. I can't find anything. When trying to get to Walmart, I'm on route 211 - the main road that was a couple of blocks from our house when I was a child. It was a four lane thoroughfare by the time I left home. Lots of traffic and stores lined both sides of the road. I'm on this road, trying to get to Walmart, but the signs say, "Newburgh" or "Albany" - and they're all highway. I want to get on the highway and go to where the signs indicate, see some pretty sights, but I have to get to the store first. I finally make it to this super Walmart looking place and can't get inside.
There is a restaurant on one side - tacky looking - and then I spy the entrance doors and go in. It's a huge store - but I get to the Christmas section - and then find nothing.

I next try to go to Target, but never get there. I get stuck in this giant parking lot in the back of Target, and there are HUGE cranes lifting piles of garbage way up high and dumping them, all fluttering in the breeze, in a dumpster as tall as a skyscraper. I see some pretty material in one of the piles and pull it out. I notice it is in all the piles and wonder why. I'm now going to leave the area, but the cranes are getting closer and closer to me. They don't know I'm not a pile of garbage - one of them reaches down for me and presses me to the pavement. I can't get up - and the huge machine is going to crush me. I think maybe if I don't move - but then, garbage doesn't move - and it gets scooped up. So I'm doomed.

Meanwhile, throughout the dream, I am crying and so sad that I'll be alone for Christmas. I want my man (let's call him Joe) to save me, come and ask me to stay with him, but he really doesn't like company at his house all the time - he likes his time alone. I could ask him, and I know he'd let me come, but I want to be asked. I want him to want me there. Then I find out he already bought a Christmas tree on his own, without me - and decorated it. I'm devastated. I can't believe he went and bought a Christmas tree without me! So I'm doomed to spend Christmas alone, in a big scary empty house with no decorations, no tree. And it seems that Joe doesn't really feel about me the way I thought. I'm truly alone. So I cry my way through Walmart and then get smooshed in Target's back garbage place.

So - what's with the frying pan and the bagels? I love used bookstores - so that's easy.

I always dream about the house I grew up in, and my home town. I don't know why - but it's constant. I always dream about my ex-husband, too. Usually I'm either married to him or going to be married to him and I'm dreading it and hating it - and I'm trying to call my present husband, Joe - to come and get me, save me - I know how wonderful Joe is and I can't wait to see him - and I can't get hold of him, the phone doesn't work. Only once in a while does he come and get me in my dreams. Weird.

So - any dream analyzers out there? I think I'll post my dreams once in a while when I have one worth writing down.

Irresponsible Buying

2005-08-07T22:09:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah. We found a charge card we could use. Yeah. We used to have a sofabed - had it for maybe 10 years. It was great while I had it. It was black vinyl, and it wore perfectly. It looked new until the dog pissed on it enough to make it permanently stink - and then we threw it out. We put it out front and hoped someone poorer and clever with cleaning products could make it usable. It looked good - it just smelled bad. Someone took it - the next day it was gone.

My poor little beagle got so old she couldn't control her bladder and she would wet where she lay. Finally, when she, blind and disoriented at night, seemed to forget who we were - my wonderful husband took her to be put down. I couldn't bear it. We both cried.

And got rid of the couch she slept on for years - even at the end when we lifted her onto it.

So - back to the credit card.
We're maxed here. I raised a child alone for years and came into our marriage with LOTS of nice hefty debt. My husband's ex took whatever they had and ran with it. But we are SO blessed - I love him SO much and he loves me. And yes - you know what - we DO live on love.

And paycheck to paycheck. So here we are. We are making regular payments on our debt, responsibly. We know we'll get out from under.

We have no couch, just various treasured chairs from garage sales. When friends visit, it's not so comfortable.

So we broke down. We went to a furniture store and bought - gasp - a NEW sofa and big fat, comfy chair with a big, fat comfy ottoman.

We're going to read together in the living room, with Christmas lights draped over our bookcases and candles lit. On our new sofa and chair that is SO beautiful.

AND I bought a new set of king size sheets - the same ones week after week were getting a little old.

AND we bought some other "stuff" my hubby wanted me to have - like an IPOD, so I can exercise with plenty of music pouring into my ears.

Then we put the card into mothballs.

Hey - we could be incinerated next week by the next Al Queda idiocy.....

But meanwhile, the Lord has given me, a person who has made so many mistakes in life it's pitiful, the grace of the best man on earth. One who loves Him and loves me. There is nothing better on the planet - I'm telling you, in case you don't know what I'm talking about.

Being Christian DOES have it's perks. I swear.

By the way - DON'T use credit if you aren't in debt. Don't get INTO debt in the first place. I am NOT advocating the irresponsible use of credit. The business bastards are just waiting to get you into their debt snare so they can have you by the balls for life. Be prudent. Save - don't be ruled by instant gratification - and you'll be the BEST for it.

As my husband says - PEACE OUT, PEOPLE!!!

Coldstone? WTF??

2005-07-31T17:11:00.000-04:00

The latest yuppie, Hummer/Lexus SUV driving, I've-a-cell-phone-attached-to-my-head, pretentious, ostentatious, affected, artificial, chichi (I like that one), contrived, faux (another good one - and by the way, I'm trying to write sentences like the Apostle Paul), superficial (I LOVE "thesaurus.reference.com") enterprise is "Cold Stone Creamery", next to every Starbucks. Coffee and ice cream - a good idea. An excellent idea, but not Cold Stone. Lest we call it ice cream, and be too common, we'll call it a "creamery". Yeah.

My husband and I visited one for the second time today, to give it another try. The first time we went to one, I was sick for the rest of the day afterwards because it was too rich, it was like eating flavored butter - ew times ew.

So we decided to attempt to be open minded today. After all, we DO drink Starbucks coffee all the time, as pretentious , chichi, et al as it is also......

So we went to Starbucks first, got regular coffees and proceeded to Cold Stone's next door. The parking lot was literally stuffed with oversize four-wheel drive, 8MPG vehicles (in a flat pancake state that is completely paved over and never gets below 35 degree F.), so that told us the clientele was as expected. Nauseously, biliously recherche (how's THAT for a word, eh? - see "Dictionary.com", 4th definition - http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=recherche).

As you walk through the door you know your ice cream (dare I call it that?) is going to be expensive because there are at least 5 teens working there. In this day of absolutely no customer service, that is unheard of. Each one of them, like Pavlov's dogs bellowed out, "Welcome to Cold Stone!!" without even looking up or making eye contact. It was weird because they said it so loud, and not all at once.....I suspected there was a hidden camera with someone in the back pressing an electric prod attached to each employee so that they would suddenly blurt, "WELCOME TO COLD STONE!!" as people entered.

I looked at the offerings. There was a recognizable refregerated case with several containers of different colored ice creams. But there were no chunks, bits, pieces, mooseprints, nuts, berries, sprinkles, rivulets of chocolate or caramel in any of them. Just bland, pastel colored stuff with labels that identified, "black cherry" or "mint". No "Orgasmic Death by Chocolate" or "Caramel Coronary" or other suggestive, mouth-watering names. Not even the old standby, "chocolate chip mint" for heaven's sake.

YOU have to make your own concoctions. And you only get ONE "mix-in" free. The rest are extra. So if you want something approximating "Moose Tracks" it'll cost ya.

There ARE suggested combinations with fancy names, like "Cookie Minster", but the first time we went we tried one of these, and it was so sickeningly sweet, and, like I said before - like flavored butter......

Today I tried to be a little more plain. I just got "black cherry" flavored goo with some chocolate chips thrown in. The girl behind the counter took two spatulas and scooped up some too-soft gooey pink stuff (my black cherry) and laid it on the Sacred Stone. She threw a small amount of chocolate chips in, and proceeded to smush the stuff around, making it even gooier. Almost the consistency of soft ice cream, but with the bland, excessively rich taste of butter, with a hint of some unidentifiable flavor. I'll take their word for it that it's black cherry. It just tasted like sweet, buttery goo with chocolate chips. Ew. Again. Times Ew.

We'll not be going back to Cold Stone, and you know what? I can't WAIT to tell people how I dislike it. To watch their incredulity. In their bovine - or is it sheep-like - desire to follow the crowd. HOW can I not LOVE Cold Stone? Easy.

I'm headed to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard.

Separate

2005-07-17T22:39:00.000-04:00

My baby is gone
She is out on adventure
But, oh not fair

without ME

she's seeing mountains and breathing air, thin with altitude

without ME

I can't test it first
Put my toe in and then say - yeah, be where I was. I been a lot of places, babe - you go there, too.

I know she is separate, original, parallel to me, not exact.

And yet, she is part of my soul. A part I don't know as much about as she does, a balance of my usual, the rest of her pulling
pieces from outside me that I will like, that I will recognize because

it is translated by her.

That is relation, kin, blood.

Somewhere she breathes with a portion of my breath.

There is a holy and sacred part of me that belongs only to my parents.....and sisters, the separate part of me from her, hidden by time.

I cling to my old self, innermost core, like a raft on an endless sea.

We used to ride in the car together. I'd drive and we'd share music and singing. Her voice a richer echo of my own, both of us akin, alike, so close beneath the skin.

I can't wait to hear about her life without me......if she will tell me. Like a child under the covers and ready for sleep, tell me the stories of your time apart from me.

What were the skies like, the air? Did you see something, smell something and think, "if I sense deep enough, she will too."

Do you carry me with you invisible, kindred?

Neighbors

2005-07-13T21:13:00.000-04:00

We've got renters next door. Oh joy. Since next door is less than five feet from where I sit, whoever lives there becomes an intimate acquaintance whether I want them to or not.

Last year we had the Boyz 'n th' Hood and their benighted dad screaming and cursing vividly at them in Spanglish 24/7, in between the rap music played as loud as possible and the vibrating stereos in numerous vehicles. Since our bedroom is right next to their driveway, I learned a lot about rap music unwillingly. I'd find myself reciting weird violent lyrics about bitches, booty and "bein' down wid it" in my head in the middle of the day, wondering where they came from until I remembered my neighbors musical taste and how they LOVE to share it. When they moved out, I dared to hope that peace might reign, that civility might win out. Oh foolish me.

This year we have the Totally Deaf family, complete with screaming kids. When the adults attempt to communicate with each other, they too, yell at the top of their lungs......."WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST??" (and this at 8 AM on a weekend)......"GIT IT YERSELF! I DON'T KNOW!! From somewhere in the bowels of the house a 9 year old boy bellows, "HEY - GET OUTTA THE BATHROOM - I GOTTA GO!!" For some strange reason, everyone moves close to a window or door when they want to "speak" A.K.A. holler.
When these people first moved in, they put a large trampoline about 6" from our wooden privacy fence. When the kids got up on it to bounce, their heads would boing boing boing over our fence-top and they'd point and yell. I swear these kids don't know how to talk in a normal voice. They bounced on that sucker until 11:00 one night, yelling and screaming the whole time.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to go out in my backyard after dark and make some really loud weird noises. Screeches, howls, barks - talk to myself really loud about machetes and brains......stuff like that. Maybe, just maybe, they won't want to be so loud anymore in case they draw the attention of the whack job next door - me.

Back in the hallowed days when I was a child (note - I was NOT a kid) if I yelled in the back yard, my mother would tell me to talk in a civil tone - that I was not in the jungle or God forbid, from New York City (where everyone yelled as my mother rightly believed). I was in bed at 7PM even in the summer before it got dark because my parents believed in routine and also because they wanted a life.

Today my husband and I were in a local mall (he had to drag me kicking and screaming, since the lowest form of humanity regularly frequents malls) and when we entered the cellular store, there were two mothers (I use the term loosely) with about 7 yelling kids of various untamed ages.....running around the customers, sliding into walls and displays. The "mothers" were yelling back at them to stop, and of course, the little darlings were oblivious. Since my husband didn't want to have to restrain me from either tripping them or making maniacal faces at them when no one was looking.....we left and retained our sanity.

My suggestion for a daycare? Lil' Bastards Daycare. Motto - "We Aren't Afraid to Use Duct Tape and/or Velcro".

Go To Sleep Sweetly

2005-07-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

My fantasy
As I drift off to sleep
Is

I’m lying snug in a sleeping bag
Out under the frozen black velvet sky
Billions of blinking stars stretch across the heavens

A woodfire near my bag
Tundra under my back from horizon to horizon

Flat expanse of white broken by trees behind me
Tall pines like sentinels at my back

I lie and gaze at the sky, my breath crystallizing above me

The silence, like eternity, full of the spirit, filled with His presence
And no other

I am alone………………..with the massive, elusive, invisible hovering Creator

Or

I am seated on the side of a mountain
In the midst of soft green grass
Before me is a huge deep blue-black lake
Surrounded by snowy peaks

The sun sets behind the peak I face
Bathing the white and granite crags in violet

I wait for Him there.
He is all around,
But He will come so I can see
With His Hand outstretched for me

Sometimes, I am in my prime.
Blue jean clad and a white shirt, sleeves rolled up
Thin and striding the peaks
Breathing in deeply the crisp clean oxygen

Ageless
In His Kingdom I will be the keeper of the forests
The protector of the winds
That will be His gift to me

No ruling of people for me
When He sits on His throne

I’ll be the keeper of the wild things
Sleeping in the branches of the tall trees

I’ll know how to speak to the birds, and no beast will run from fear of me
They will tell me of their history
Their dreams that can now be fulfilled

We will speak of eternity
The meaning of all of time that has passed

And we will be eternally at peace.

VERY IMPORTANT

2005-03-08T23:23:00.000-05:00

How the FUCK did Cat Stevens choose to become Muslim???!?

I want an answer and I want it now.

The bastard.

Best Day Ever!!

2005-01-16T21:03:00.000-05:00

That's what Lilek's little girl says when she has had a wonderful time. She says it a lot, but at 4 years of age, she is just beginning to climb the first steps of "best days ever".

Today was one of those for me. This has been a warm winter so far for South Florida. It got somewhat "cold" - for Floridians - just before Christmas. But as soon as Christmas was over, it got warmer than usual for this time of year. Not much I can do about the weather, so I just go about my business and enjoy what there is to enjoy. But for the past few days, starting Friday, it has been rainy and drizzly - not tropical rainy, but northern rainy. Friday it was hot and rainy - weird. But Saturday, when Dart and I went our on the porch for our morning coffee with the cats, it was cooler and still raining. Our plants and lawn needed the rain badly!! I hate having to come home and use the hose to water the lawn. We don't have a sprinkler system, and digging a well and installing one would take mucho bucks. We don't even have a couple o' bucks, so it's out of the question.

Anyway, Saturday was agreeably wet and cloudy and rainy and cool - I could veg indoors and not feel guilty ("you should be outside working on the plants.....you should be outside exercising.....you should be DOING things around the house that need to be done"). It was wonderful. Ashley and I went garage sailing - that was early in the AM before the rain began to fall - it was just cloudy. We found a few goodies and went home. After that major effort, I took a nap. It was wonderful.

I'm leading up to today. This morning, Dart and I were going to go to Myakka park on the west coast of Florida. But we're two slugs. We can't get up early enough for the 2-3 hour drive to enjoy the day......so we were tossing around WHAT to do. We've been meaning to go on what we call a "swoop" for a couple of weeks and haven't unslugged enough to do it. Today was the day - we have Monday off, so it was PERFECT. And - it was cold, windy and cloudy - perfect weather for a northerner who wants to feel a little "winter" in her bones. Since I'm from upstate NY, and we get a LOT of cloudy days there, I like one once in a while. And when I get one that is not only cloudy, but cold, windy and rainy - it is positively orgasmic!! So we dragged our lazy selves through the process of getting ready to go and packing up all the stuff we have to take - binoculars, cameras, extra batteries, battery chargers, snacks, maps, hats, etc. etc. etc.

FINALLY we get on the road. We realized it was too late to go all the way to Myakka, so we decided to go on our tried and true wilderness jaunt. We got on I-75 and 45 miles to the Indian stop on Government Road. We got off there, made the obligatory stop at the new (thank GOD) rest rooms - and continued on the two lane road lined with canals and fields and COUNTRYSIDE for as far as the eye could see. This is great - but it isn't the best. We drive about 11 miles to something called, "Huff Bridge Road" - it is a gravel road, not paved. That's when the fun begins. There is no one on these roads. Hunters and fishermen come out here, but in very small numbers - so we don't usually see anybody. And since today was cold and cloudy and rainy, we REALLY didn't see anybody.

There's something about riding along in the car, windows open, heater going - feeling the wet COLD air whooshing around our bodies - that is delicious. It's like when you're little - and you go out to play. You play until you're filthy and you're ready to drop. Then you go inside and mom has dinner made, and you take a hot bath and feel SO relaxed - and then the nice clean sheets.....it's heaven. But only after you've played yourself out all day. This is what my husband and I like to do. We "go out to play". We stopped whenever we saw a likely bird or area that promised birds. I saw ANOTHER painted bunting today - that's the second this year!! There were all kinds of warblers, hawks, crested caracaras, ospreys - they were all out and making a ruckus in the trees!! We stopped on the gravel road at one of our favorite places and had a little picnic. The rain was just a fine mist, so it didn't stop us from photographing or from being outside. It was just enough to make it so pleasant when we'd come back into the car and turn on the heater.

For me, just walking out where there are no people, just birds and trees and - well, whatever else is there - the sky, the air, the smells, the freedom.....it's heaven on earth. I can't even begin to explain the elation I feel. I don't care what I look like, or what my hair is doing - the whole thing is being THERE, soaking up the outdoors.

I also love to look for stuff to bring home. I found a gator jaw today - with teeth still in. I also found some blue crab legs - beautiful - with the pincers still on - but the crab must have been eaten by a bird.

So the reason today was the "best day ever" was the wind in my face, the sky, the cold, the sight of the birds all fluffed up against the rain, the photography - just the feeling of ALL of me being alive and humming at once.

Shady

2004-12-21T12:28:00.000-05:00

Well, the time has finally come that I've dreaded. Shady is over 16 years old, blind, deaf and I doubt that she knows who I am. Shady is a 13" beagle that I brought home one Christmas 16 years ago. She was born in October, according to her papers, so I used to celebrate her birthday on Halloween by making a dog bone shaped cake. Being a Beagle, notorious for their inability to be trained, and their single-minded pursuit of food, she loved the cake.

My ex-husband and I lived in a condo, and if we wanted a dog, it had to be small, under 15 pounds. Shady was perfect. We went to pet shops and didn't find anything we felt that "spark" for, or could afford, for that matter. Besides, I didn't like the typical small dogs - I felt they were pseudo-dogs. I don't like little yappy terriers, or God forbid, Chihuahuas!! I wanted a small dog that felt like a big dog. We had decided this would be a neat Christmas gift for our daughter, Ashley. We would pick up the pup on Christmas Eve, sneak her in the house late, have her sleep with us, wake up early, pop her in a box loosely, call Ashley -and let the fun begin.

One day I saw an ad in the paper for Beagle pups, just brought down from the breeder in Georgia. They weren't quite 6 weeks old yet and they were under $200. Off we went to this messy looking house in Hollywood. We were ushered to a room, and then the owners let all the puppies in at once, from the same litter. There were little boy and girl beagles everywhere, squirming and yipping, licking and jumping. They had to be THE cutest puppies I had ever seen - the quintessential PUPPY. I didn't want a boy pup - I'd always had boy dogs growing up, and I knew they had a tendency to want to run off. Besides, I wanted to try a girl dog for a change. There was one little female that was not as rambunctious as her brother who was crawling all over me. She went into the people's bedroom who owned the house, and came out trailing somebody's underwear. That was it. I wanted her. I went to her and she was very wiggly and happy, her tail a little metronome.

We bought her and made a deal to pick her up Christmas Eve. I picked her up on December 24, bundled her over to another family member's house for a few hours until Ashley went to sleep. It was NOT easy waiting for THAT - especially on Christmas Eve. Finally, I brought little Shady home. She was very uncertain and I'm certain she missed her little brothers and sisters. In order to keep her from crying, she slept in between my husband and I, on some towels, "just in case"!!

Next morning, I popped her in the box we had for her, put on the lid loosely and called Ashley. Ashley heard the whining noises coming from under the tree and at first was frightened. We assured her Santa had brought her something wonderful - just open it!! Out popped little Shady. Of course, she wasn't named yet. Ashley chose that name from one of her favorite My Little Ponies. Shady spent that first day sleeping a lot on a heating pad, and needing to be petted a lot.

If I could post pictures on this stupid blog - I'll try again - I can post just what an adorable little puppy she was.

Over the years, she proved to be a true beagle, with that howl instead of a bark. One time, when we went on vacation, we put her in the kennel for over a week. When we got home, she had lost her howl from listening to all the other dogs barking. But she got it back within a few days. When I say she was a true Beagle, I mean she lived for food and she was virtually untrainable. No matter what we tried, she messed in the house AND in her own cage ("dogs will not mess in their own bed" - uhh.....guess what - beagles will). If Ashley had friends over and they were watching TV and eating snacks, Shady came over and their food was easy pickings. Their hands holding a cookie were tantalizingly easy to reach for a 13" beagle - next sound I would hear was someone wailing "Shady!!"

She was not a dumb dog by any means. She learned how to open a refrigerator with her teeth. Oh yes. I'm not kidding. This little dog could break into a fridge and then raid the food until she looked like a walking watermelon. That was always fun to come home to.......

Since she messed in the house, and I had carpet, I bought gates guaranteed to keep the dog in whatever room you decided. I wanted to keep her in the kitchen since it had linoleum. The first day I tried the gate, I came home and found her in the living room. The gate was no problem whatever. OK - so I bought two gates and put them one on top of the other.

I came home from work and STILL found her in the living room. She must have scaled the gates. My boyfriend at the time (and now my husband) used to call her "Houdini dog", as well as "McGuyver" - she could frustrate any attempts we made to keep her in or out of anything.

Since she broke into the fridge, we had to duct tape it shut every time we went in and out of it. And when I left for work in the morning, God help me if I forgot to tape the fridge. Doggy preparation for leaving the house was pretty time consuming!!

When she was still a young dog, Ashley and I liked to take her out by the canal we lived next to. She would be on her leash, otherwise she would run after all the ducks and we wouldn't be able to catch her. One thing she loved to do was run circles faster and faster around whoever was holding the leash, barking with excitement, her ears flapping. One of my favorite things was after she would have a bath. Of course, she hated baths, but once she was let out of the water, she would get positively crazy. As I towelled her, she'd growl and vibrate, dying to get away. Then, when I let her go, she would rip around the house crazily, slipping on the linoleum places, her little butt tucked under while she ran. Of course, I would egg her on, chasing her, flapping the towel at her. Finally, she would stop, look at me and just howl. She yelled at me a lot. If I didn't do what she wanted, she would sit in front of me and bark - it was a different bark than the "someone's at the door" bark.

Once I was divorced, Shady slept with me. I had a nice queen sized bed and Shady would alternate going under the covers when she was cold, and laying on top of the covers when she got too hot. She loved to be all the way down by my feet. I could never figure out how she could breathe, but she loved it. And she was a GREAT heater on cold nights, plus great company. It was always reassuring to wake up after a nightmare, and feel her next to me.

In the morning, I would wake up to a beagle literally 2 inches from my face, staring at me with extreme intensity, WILLING me to wake up, feed her and take her out.

Another thing she LOVED to do was go for a ride. If you asked her "Do you want to go for a ride?" she'd cock her head all the way over. She could keep her balance in any car and relished having her head out the window, ears flying.

The only good thing about her going deaf was that she wasn't petrified on July 4 or during thunderstorms anymore. She literally tried to claw her way UNDER the carpet from the noise.

I won't mention her last years. After all, we all have last years, and we want to be remembered in our vigor and strength, not at our end.

This morning, my husband got an appointment to take her in to be put to sleep. Today, at 4:30 PM, she will pass out of this life, laying down a much used little body. I went home at lunch to spend some last time with her. I fed her two small cans of food instead of just one, and sat with her out in the warm sun. I don't think she really knows who I am anymore. She doesn't wag her tail in recognition. So after a bit, I guided her back into the house, gave her some treats and put her on her blanket, making sure the heating pad is on for her old bones.

But I'll remember her in her better years.

Damn It

2004-12-01T21:15:00.000-05:00

I've tried REPEATEDLY to get "Hello" from Picasa to publish my painted bunting photo. No go. I was in Mozilla Firefox, but I exited and re-opened in IE - it didn't help. So tomorrow is another day - meanwhile, any good bird id site will have a picture of one. Sheesh -this is frustrating!!

Painted Bunting!!

2004-12-01T19:58:00.000-05:00

I did it!! I finally photographed a painted bunting!! After work today I decided I NEED to exercise. I'm so sedentary and FAT - so there's no time like the present. I stopped at home long enough to change clothes and put on sneakers - and I grabbed my digital camera and some binoculars. And off I went. It was a beautiful afternoon - not TOO hot and very sunny. I headed to Tree Tops Park, parked back by the park offices and walked toward Pine Island Ridge. Once through the gate, I turned left and walked down a horse path to a small lake. On the other side of the lake are houses, but on the park side are huge live oaks and lots of low bushy brush - just what painted buntings like. Last year, I saw one here, but couldn't photograph it in time. Sooooo - within 5 minutes of getting to the spot where I saw one last year, I "pished" - a term used by birders for the shushing noise that birds seem to want to investigate - so they come out and you get to see them briefly while they check YOU, the pisher, out. Almost as soon as I made my birder noise, there he was. The male is the spectacular one - blue, red, green and yellow. Their small size always surprises me, for some reason. I peered down through some brush and I could see him clearly through an opening in the branches - painted buntings are ground gleaners, and that's where he was. I couldn't believe it!! Last year, Dart and I went to tons of places where birders claimed to see TONS of painted buntings - and they were in hiding when we went to each place. I was SO frustrated. Especially when I would read the lists of the birders in the area - and they would invariably include "painted bunting" - and perhaps a number anywhere from 1 to 20+ - give me a BREAK already!!

But today was my blessed day - I'll post one of the best photos. Mr. Painted Bunting's wife was with him, too - the females are leaf green and very hard to discern among leafy bushes - they are the color green of parrots. But I couldn't get my camera to focus on her - besides, it was her mate I really wanted. I've photographed a female painted bunting before....

Here is my little friend - I bet he's the same one I saw last year in the same place. Birds frequent the same areas when they migrate....

OK, So I Haven't Written in a While

2004-11-23T19:34:00.000-05:00

I haven't felt like writing anything in here in a while. I don't have a maid and I have a house and a yard to take care of. I work full time - and I got the flu - not for a week, for a month. Sooooooo.....I've been a little preoccupied.

It's not like anyone reads this stuff anyway. But my husband has been bothering me about writing in here, so here I am.

To bring you up to date:
I'm glad George Bush has another 4 years. I really disliked Kerry intensely.

I have a new boss at work - but all is good.

I still hate developers and lawyers.

I still don't trust Muslims - any Muslims.

I'm still overweight, but, as I say all the time, "I'm working on it."

Idaho is looking better every day. Except I'd miss the tropical birds and the nice weather and the plants and flowers. But I wouldn't miss the people, the crowding, the neighborhood I live in or the heat in the summer - OR THE HURRICANES!!

OK - I'm done for now. See you "all" soon. Hee hee.

Mobile Alabama

2004-09-15T23:22:00.000-04:00

I'm listening live via internet to a station in Mobile, Alabama as Ivan comes onshore. If you click on "Click here for live video!" you'll get what I'm watching. It must be so reassuring to those who are listening via battery to hear these calm human voices tying them in their shuttered, battered homes to the rest of the community. It may seem odd, my interest in hurricanes, but I live in South Florida and we've faced two in the past month and we'll maybe face one this coming weekend - so I sympathize as only a fellow sufferer can, with those in Alabama. I'm praying for them all as I listen. I'm praying that civilization is not overcome by nature; that the calm voices or community keep on talking through the worst Ivan can dish out.

It's going to be a long night on the coast of Louisiana/Alabama/Missippi/Florida and these good people in a Mobile newsroom are spending this whole night with those who need to hear their lifeline voices.

I cannot tear myself away. Outside now, in South Florida, there isn't even a breeze. Hard to believe that not so very far away, hell on earth is being experienced by so many. I've often thought of time travel at these times. Imagine, if you will, a Jewish person on a train to Auchwitz. Caught in an inescapable journey to death, but for time. If that person were able to travel back in time at that same location, they would find themselves in a totally different set of circumstances, delivered from the peril of their present. We're all stuck in now. The people in Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, and Louisiana are stuck in now. If only they could get in a time machine and press a button. They'd be out of danger and into a new situation. They could always come back later, after the trouble has passed. We're victims of time and place, victims of gravity and the rules of this planet we live on.

Help Make Blogs More Visible!

2004-09-06T18:13:00.000-04:00

Help Make Blogs More Visible!

There are by some estimates more than a million weblogs. But most of them have no visibility in search engines. Only a few “A-List” blogs get into the top search engine results for a given topic, while the majority of blogs just don’t get noticed. The reason is that the smaller blogs don’t have enough links pointing to them. But this posting could solve that. Let’s help the smaller blogs get more visibility!

This posting is GoMeme 4.0. It is part of an experiment to see if we can create a blog posting that helps 1000’s of blogs get higher rankings in Google. So far we have tried 3 earlier variations. Our first test, GoMeme 1.0, spread to nearly 740 blogs in 2.5 days. This new version 4.0 is shorter, simpler, and fits more easily into your blog.

Why are we doing this? We want to help thousands of blogs get more visibility in Google and other search engines. How does it work? Just follow the instructions below to re-post this meme in your blog and add your URL to the end of the Path List below. As the meme spreads onwards from your blog, so will your URL. Later, when your blog is indexed by search engines, they will see the links pointing to your blog from all the downstream blogs that got this via you, which will cause them to rank your blog higher in search results. Everyone in the Path List below benefits in a similar way as this meme spreads. Try it!

Instructions: Just copy this entire post and paste it into your blog, including hyperlinks. Then add your URL to the end of the path list below, and pass it on! (Make sure you add your URLs as live links or HTML code to the Path List below.)

Path List
1.) Minding the Planet
2.) Luke Hutteman’s public virtual MemoryStream
3.) geek ramblings
4.) The Equivocal Ramblings of Kevin Francis
5.) perogi
6.) AngryHamster.com
7.) Blue Boobs

(your URL goes here! But first, please copy this line and move it down to the next line for the next person).

NOTE: Be sure you paste live links for the Path List or use HTML code.

posted on Sunday, September 05, 2004 6:54 PM

3 AM

2004-09-05T02:53:00.000-04:00

Well, it's 3 am and I'm listening to the wind outside. It's getting less aggressive as the storm moves north. I am thankful once again to the Lord for my preservation. He takes care of His children. Those to the north, He will care for in the midst of the chaos. Off to bed with me - I've kept the watch long enough for tonight.

It's been an interesting hurricane season so far - next weekend we could be threatened with Ivan!

Hurricane Sounds Like Blizzard

2004-09-05T02:43:00.000-04:00

I’m listening to a hurricane

Through shutters

The sound is like the blizzards

Of childhood

The real hurricane is north of us. The real demon is about 80 miles away, while here, it sounds like a memory to me.

So it’s not scary.

The rattling metal panels sound like the wind rushing through the nooks of the attic of childhood.

All night long, the outer windows rattle and shake with the blustery, icy wind. It sounds like I need to snuggle deeper under the double layer of quilts on my bed.

My father has turned the heat down to minimum and we’ve opened our windows a crack to let in the fresh frozen air.

Tomorrow I’ll wake up

To a snowy, glittering landscape

I’ll have to put on my snowsuit.

Cumbersome pants and jacket, hood, mittens, heavy socks and boots.

But I can make angels in the snow.

Outside, free of the world ruled by my mother, in the great BackYard

I can dig my way into the whiteness, make tunnels in the snow.

The whiteness will blind me and there will be a great deep blue expanse overhead.

It will be so cold my nose and cheeks will be red. I’ll be free

Until lunch time and the dog comes outside, to grab the handle of my snow saucer

And spin me around on top of the crusty, icy drifts

Laughing and giggling out loud.

A Little Poetry

2004-09-05T02:07:00.000-04:00

I believe this with all my heart. No matter what our physical bodies say, we are eternally young and full of life. When we shed these useless shells, we shall see what we are truly capable of:

Deep inside
I don’t care how old I get
Is the 15 year old

It isn’t sex
It’s the Life Energy
That runs through the veins
The spiritual veins
The eternal veins

That was most real at 15.

The young body is just a symbol for
The eternally young spirit

That inhabits me.

That spirit will live forever
Forever 15 in zest, in flight.

How could anyone not believe
In the eternal soul

None of us are old
As our bodies are old

We are ourselves
And our bodies mock this self, aging
And decrepit.

I hope my body dies forcing
Itself to be young, against a heart that is all muscle and meat.

The heart will stop, freeing the trapped
Beauty within.

Then I can soar amongst the clouds that
Only threatened rain before.

Sheds

2004-09-03T10:59:00.000-04:00

Whatever you do DON'T buy one of those big plastic sheds at Lowe's for way too much money!! If you put stuff in them, they fall apart. After putting all our yard items (bird feeders, planters, yard implements, etc.) in the shed, it fell apart this AM. So now we have to take everything out, rebuild it using nails this time (it doesn't come with them and isn't supposed to need them) and then put everything back in. I'd rather let it all blow away, actually. Crap.

OK - Latest Coordinates

2004-09-02T13:18:00.000-04:00

Frances is getting closer and closer.....

Hurricane Preparation

2004-09-02T13:08:00.000-04:00

I just spent this morning bringing in all the bird feeders, lawn decorations, wooden edging, bringing in everything from the screened in porch, making ice, doing laundry......ad infinitum.

Lots of stuff fit in the shed. Hopefully IT won't blow away. Meanwhile, the side of the house the shed is on was like a garbage dump. Old bags of mulch, potting soil, overgrown weeds....so I had to weed wack, kill two wasps nests before I could pick up a plastic chair and the piece de resistance:

I went to move the mulch and I did it carefully thinking that something would be under it - and I was right. I pride myself on being cool and calm around critters - I even like to pick up a lot of things other women run from screaming. However, when I moved the mulch, something BIG moved inside the bag - moved fast and exited the hole at the end of the bag. I thought at first it was one of my favorite lizards - the Jungle Runners we have living in our yard - but no. It was a rat. A nice fat one - not mouse sized at all. And it ran right at me, then dove into the shed. I screamed not once, but twice and my daughter came running out. She KNOWS I NEVER scream. Anyway, once I realized what had happened, I left it alone. I figure if it wants to shelter in the shed from this storm - so be it. We can do something about it next week - meanwhile, live and let live. I kept stuffing things in the shed and that was that.

I still have to make the bed, finish laundry, clean the floor
(why, you ask, if the house is going to blow away, am I cleaning? It's because I am a woman and I'm irrational that way, so don't bug me). Once I'm done, I'm going to have copious amounts of wine and then tomorrow when the big blow starts, I will be in a corner somewhere underneath blankets and pillows, rolled in the fetal position. I hate wind. I think I live in the wrong place, n'est pas??? C'est la vie.

Latest Latest - Frances

2004-09-01T11:21:00.000-04:00

Frances is now supposed to hit land around Fort Pierce, but since this has changed constantly - who knows??? I guess we'll know late Friday, that's for sure.

Latest on Hurricane Frances

2004-08-31T11:19:00.000-04:00

Looks like the National Hurricane Center has amended their prediction to Jacksonville on Sunday.

Confusion About Vietnam

2004-08-31T09:42:00.000-04:00

Let me say at the start that I am not well versed in the history of the Vietnam war, so what I say is just conjecture.

I've read some of John Kerry's "The New Soldier" on line.

It contains the testimony of Kerry in front of Congress in 1971. As I read through his words, I remembered the zietgeist of the country's youth in the late 1960's and early 1970's. Yes, I was all of 13 in 1969, but I remember the anti-war movement, the Hippies, the drug culture, rock and roll, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me in my old age (48), that what we saw at that time was an overindulged youth gone hedonistic. Just do whatever feels good. After all, dying in a war doesn't feel good, so why do it?

What I did notice in Kerry's book is that his "Veterans Against the War" was a small group, in comparison to the number of soldiers that fought in Vietnam. In other words, they were a minority. Those who actually confessed to war crimes were numbered 150 with "very many" other highly decorated veterans thrown in. I'll take the 150 and leave the "very many" to the side. These are the 150 who met in Detroit and had what sounded like a mass sharing session about the horrible things they'd done. 150 hardly makes for a majority. In addition, there is a poll done at the end of the book. It is a poll to show what type of demographics are covered by those who joined the "Veterans Against the War" movement. The poll was done among 1000 Veterans who were protesting on the Mall in Washington. In one interesting question, the results showed that a great many were students, while an even greater number were unemployed. Why didn't those who were unemployed take advantage of the GI bill and get a college education?

Kerry makes a lot of blanket statements about racism in the military, unemployment among the vets (note that the unemployment numbers that were very high were only documented among the bunch of 1000 demonstrators), crimes committed by soldiers, etc.

However, the group he represented was perhaps a few thousand strong; not a majority.

Now I'm going to go out on a limb. In the 60's and 70's America had the draft. 34%
(according to Kerry's poll of 1000) of those who joined "Veterans Against the War" were drafted. The rest enlisted. When you draft, you get what you get. You don't necessarily get the cream of the crop, or those who are committed to the war they are going to fight. In the early 60's, a new generation grew to young adulthood that had been spoiled rotten by their parents. This is the generation that indulged itself with no holds barred. This is the generation that produced "Veterans Against the War". This is the generation that had a lot less "cream of the crop" than that of WWII it seems.

I'm thinking those 150 who confessed to war crimes would have committed crimes right here in THIS country had there been no war. I'm thinking the few thousand who joined with Kerry and Fonda were self-indulgent, self centered ne'er-do-wells anyway. If there had been no war, these would have been the ones who were in trouble with the law, drank too much or drugged too much. Instead, they went to Vietnam and got in trouble there.

The only problem is they were recognized as legit by Congress. They got some people with power and money behind them, like Kerry, to represent them. That's like all the population of those in jails getting their own Congressman and Special Interest Group.

What really astounds me is that this small group dared to say it represented ALL the Veterans of America, all the youth and EVERY AMERICAN'S opinion about the war in Vietnam at that time. That since they represented the WHOLE country, that Congress should honor their wishes, as in "government by the people." Um.....government by a couple thousand losers...at best, government by a couple thousand misguided, hormonal youth?

Very interesting reading, anyway. I recommend it. For myself, I'm going to pore over the Internet and the local library until I'm comfortable with my take on Vietnam history. I've already made up my mind about Kerry - dangerous loser.

Whoa!!

2004-08-30T09:07:00.000-04:00

You just can't trust what you THINK are your loyal followers anymore.

MTV thought that the Kerry daughters would be a popular attraction since everyone knows that the MTV audience are all Democrats....

Well, surprise surprise!!

Evidently MTV got their demographics a little wrong - OR - they didn't count on the anger of those who just want to be entertained, having politics shoved down their throat with their fun.

If the Left doesn't have an agenda, if the Media isn't hand-in-glove with the Left and promoting that agenda ad infinitum.....I'm Santa Claus......and in case you have any doubts - I'm NOT Santa Claus

Tragedy

2004-08-30T08:11:00.000-04:00

There are some mistakes that we make in life that are so profound in their consequences, they are like ripples from a pebble tossed in a stream that go on and on and on until death. You never know or can expect what permutation they might take. You may even get to the point where you think you've got it beat, you've slipped through the cracks - the pain can't find you anymore, you're free. And then, like a kick in the gut, one of those ripples comes back, more like a giant tsunami, to engulf you again.

That's an easy paragraph to write. You read it and you think, "yes, I suppose that's true," or "I hope I never do anything like that." But dive down into the sentence. Take each word in context and meditate on how it might actually feel to be a person who has brought this kind of punishment down on themselves. They can read this, but when they look away, the burden is still on their backs, the anguish still everpresent.

I have a family member that has suffered from this tragedy. And it involves children. If it only involves self, sometimes the disaster can be managed, even if it kills us, we can absorb it.

And it's a double tragedy because it involves that most famous and most ambigous of phrases, a "dysfunctional family." On a disfunction-o-meter, that can go from a rather comfortable 1 or 2 up to a mind blowing, suicide inducing 8 to 10. Where is our family? Somewhere on the meter around 6 or 7 perhaps, but to my relative, it is a solid 10. Having grown up with hatred - hatred toward a child!! - trying to negotiate the field of landmines that was their childhood, they were behind the 8 ball of life right from the start. Anguish from birth, mistake after mistake as an adult.......and now, in middle age, looking back over that panorama looks like Flanders Field. And the payment for the crime of these errors never ends.

I cannot tell you how much sadness I feel for this person, how much empathy. Let me tell you - any of you out there that think you have this life by the horns and you would NEVER do this or that......there but for the grace of God go ALL of us. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Period. And, if in our youth, in our disfunctional, confusing youth, trying to solve an unsolveable problem even then - if we make that decision, the one that we cannot ever guess the price we will pay.....then God have mercy on us. He is the Only One Who will.

Hurricane Fears

2004-08-30T07:33:00.000-04:00

Hey! Maybe this sucker will go back out to sea? It's going to come VERY close.......

Last night at Publix, they were already putting out extra water - and it was flying off the shelves. If you wait until the last minute to get supplies, there won't be any. Water and flashlights are the first things to go.

I sure don't want it to hit squarely over us, but I don't want it to hit anyone else either. I'm nice that way.

Crap!!

2004-08-27T21:43:00.000-04:00

Since I live in South Florida, I do NOT look forward to this.

If this sucker heads this way, Charley's damage will look like a Sunday picnic. I KNEW I should've moved last winter.......

He's Gone

2004-08-27T05:10:00.000-04:00

This guy had the BEST blog ever regarding the war in Iraq. But he came under the notice of his superiors and that was the end of that. I also work for a bureaucracy and I know what that's like. You can go on your merry way for years and no one notices or cares - and suddenly, Big Brother rotates His giant head and His big kleig light eye beams are on you like the naked bulb of an interrogator's lamp. Once that happens, forget it. Everyone around you could be doing the same thing you are, skirting the rules perhaps, cutting corners, but getting the job done - and they continue while you are used as an EXAMPLE for the Proper Procedures.

I do understand that a military blog is uncharted territory. In WWII, soldier's letters home had to run through a censor, who blacked out anything they felt was TMI. By the time the folks back home got the letter, it was a few weeks later, and looked like a checkerboard. Now there is Instant Messaging - no censor there - at least for now. Until Big Brother looks at that whole genre.

Unfortunately for us, He has turned His leaden gaze upon CBGTW's excellent blog. Past entries on the blog did not seem to me to give away anything important, but I also read the comments each day and some of THOSE raised eyebrows I think. In any case, while there may be other military blogs out there that haven't come under the Great Gaze yet, CMGTW has been silenced. At least in blogdom. I have a feeling he is writing, writing, writing even more now - and when he's back stateside, we're going to get some very interesting commentary. I can't wait!! In the meantime, Godspeed, CMGTW - stay safe and my prayers are winging your way.

Sneakers on the Wire

2004-08-26T20:12:00.000-04:00

I thought I was having an original thought today, but alas. I noticed yet again some sneakers tied together by their laces and dangling from a power line. And I wondered if this happens all over (and realized it does) - and what is the social significance of this? I googled "Sneakers on Wire" and came up with this piece, which ends up saying "I don't know".

Here's another possibility.

And last, but not least, this.

Bottom line - who knows? If we ever STOP seeing them simultaneously EVERYWHERE, then it's time to start worrying....

Duhhhhhhh

2004-08-26T09:21:00.000-04:00

Need some entertainment of a stupid and mindless nature - I mean REALLY MINDLESS?

The Story of a Life

2004-08-26T08:26:00.000-04:00

You want to read some ongoing brilliant outpourings of memory?
I can see a table near the entrance of Barnes & Noble......bestsellers.....great art cover......

Best of all - this lady is a "walking reader" or "reading walker" - whatever.......

Oh What a Blog!!

2004-08-26T07:56:00.000-04:00

This lady is FABULOUS!! Read today's post - her "apology" to the Muslims.....oh YEAH.....

How Prophetic Was This?

2004-08-25T19:20:00.000-04:00

I wrote this September 1st, 2003. Johnny Cash passed away on September 12, 2003.....

I saw Johnny Cash’s video today called simply, “Hurt”. It is brilliant, dark and so very sad.

This is a man without his compass, without his very breath, forced to continue living. I had only read about Johnny and June Carter Cash incidentally, in Christian biographies of other people, one of which is another aged giant, Billy Graham. They caught my imagination. I loved June Carter Cash and came to be more interested in her when she played a major part in Robert Duval’s movie, “The Apostle”. I knew she and Johnny were strong Christians and that alone drew me to see how they handled fame. There is a deeper dimension to a person who believes in Jesus Christ, there is a vibration in their spirit that transcends the limits of human life….you can see it in their eyes, you can hear it in their words; it’s like the smoke signals of the Holy Spirit. Another like spirit can read the signals and know the message, and there is instant familiarity that neither fame or death or distance can inhibit.

That’s the Christian aspect of June and Johnny Cash. But their real and unfettered personalities, based in their Southern upbringing, also drew me. The music is secondary, it’s the soul that matters. The music they made was just the expression of their souls anyway.

I knew June was the daughter of the great Carter family of Country Music legend, one of the pioneers of the genre. I love Country Music, the real stuff, that echoes of England and Ireland and the stark lives of the Appalachian settlers. It speaks of their faith; songs like “Will the Circle Be Unbroken” by June Carter’s mother, “I’ll Fly Away”, and “On the Wings of a Snow White Dove”, sung by Robert Duval in the movie, “Tender Mercies.” These are the tunes, sung for perhaps hundreds of years in one form or another, plucked on homemade instruments on the front porch of a rickety cabin on the side of a foggy, lonely mountain in the middle of the Appalachians.

This, and reading about their legendary love, how June saved Johnny from drug and alcohol addiction, how she led him to Christianity; told me that when I heard she had passed away, he would wither away, unable to bear the searing pain of her loss.

I’m thinking he won’t be with us much longer. Right now I understand he is working like a demon, compiling songs that have never been released that he and June did together. Perhaps this video is a cathartic of sorts…….

The video has quick shots of Johnny as a young, vital man, the monolithic “Man in Black”, battling his inner demons, comforted by the love of June. Johnny visits his birthplace, but the man who visits the simple, old house is still a young man himself, strong and tall, striding long, wide-shouldered. And like all of us eventually, he is now alone, his body a betrayer, no longer a reflection of his true spirit, something to be discarded and thrown away. How sad he is that she has left first, left him in this God-forsaken place alone.

There is something unspeakably tragic about the spoiled beauty of youth, the slow degeneration, the brilliant eyes and smooth skin becoming clouded and mottled; the easy strength of arms and back, lithe and quick, now bent and shuffling, slow. The eyes tell it – youth is hopeful, confident, beautiful. “There’s so much time…..” we think, and we blink and we’re so very much older.

The comfort a believer in Jesus Christ has, is eternity. These bodies, illusions of life, are shed, to sink back into the earth, and they are traded for a body that lasts forever. One that won’t get old and broken. And those we love who have gone before, like June before Johnny – they are waiting to welcome us when we come to join them. And then there will be no more of this darkness, this searing anguish called life…..and death.

If you wish to see Johnny Cash’s award winning video, here is a website where you can view it:

http://www.nme.com/features/104451.htm

2004-08-25T19:15:00.000-04:00

Old Broad

2004-08-25T19:13:00.000-04:00

Oh the Teen Drama

2004-08-25T19:12:00.000-04:00

Me at 7 - my favorite age

SNOW

2004-08-25T19:03:00.000-04:00

Blizzard on 49 Fairlawn - early 1960's

Hey - I just realized I had a "blog" of types before when I put some writings up on the web. So I'm gonna cheat and copy one or two here - and the pictures I put with them.

SNOW DAYS - (written August, 2003)

You know what I love remembering? One of the things I love to think back on is snow days. The whole mystery of snow falling and the way it hushed everything, even danger (or so I thought). My dad would always turn the heat down at night. Down to maybe 55 degrees. Then, upstairs, we’d all go to bed under thick quilts and 2 or 3 blankets, with our windows open an inch or so, and our doors shut. It would be so quiet. No cars would be out in the snow. We lived on a quiet street in a small town anyway, so traffic was never much of an issue.
Perhaps when we all went to bed there would be no hint of snow. As a teen I never watched the news or the weather forecast, so I was never forewarned of snow – it was always a sweet surprise. I would go to sleep under the usual circumstances, and then, perhaps around 2 or 3 AM I would wake up. I’d open my eyes and notice right away how light my room was. There were no streetlights near our house, so that would not be the reason – those were farther down the block. In the small bedroom where I slept, there were two side-by-side windows that took up at least half of the outside wall. My sister had made ceiling to floor drapes that could be opened or closed to any degree, and I usually closed them just enough to frame the windows on each side. There were white, light, breezy sheers underneath the drapes and covering the windows – but they were transparent. In the middle of a snowfall night, the whole room would glow white. The snow outside fell until it covered the blacktop driveways and macadam road, covered the brown grass and bare tree branches – with a cascade of reflective white. The snow on the ground would reflect off the snow falling from the lowering clouds, and an ethereal light would pervade my room. Snow day. No doubt about it.
But first, I would crawl out of bed, clasping a blanket around me for warmth, my feet icy on the cold wood floor…..and I’d throw open the window and lean out and join myself with the snowdrops. There would be no wind, no sound. If, in the distance, a dog barked, the sound would be swallowed up, dulled, no echo, under the thickness of white flakes. If I thrust my hand out the window, the flakes would lazily float onto my skin, their delicate intricacy melted by my body heat.
The whole world seemed so safe under that blanket, so protected, so soft. Of course I knew better, but at 3 AM on a snow day eve, it was magic to imagine it so.