Friday, August 12, 2005


The past two nights I have had strange dreams, not that this is anything new. But sometimes I get the urge to write these suckers down. There are symbols in them that I want to remember.

Night before last:
I'm either going to cook or I've finished doing some dishes - in my parent's house (the one I grew up in). Next scene, I have a big frying pan in my hand, but I'm in a used book store with my mother and father. A cute young geeky guy strikes up a friendship with me and I explain about the frying pan, somewhat embarrassed to be carrying it around. However, when it comes to books, I really don't care if I'm looking stupid or not - I'm caught up in the books. Lots of old ones with great titles - books I know I want to buy. The young guy is like a waiter or something, serving coffee and food - like Starbucks. Final scene - he gives me four bagels, reaches out from his counter and puts them in the frying pan for me, as I hold it. You figure it out. The bookstore was old wood, books, coffee - it was FABULOUS - I only wish I would go there in reality.

Last night:
I'm in my parent's house again. I live there, but I'm grown up like now. I want to go up in the attic, because I just know there will be fabulous old stuff up there - letters, books, clothes - things that tell me about the past. When I get up there, my mother has cleaned it all out - it is neat as a pin, and there are no interesting things at all. No clutter, nothing hidden, no surprise finds. I'm very disappointed.
Next scene: my parents are going away and leaving me alone for Christmas. I will be totally alone, and I'm afraid of the dark when I sleep in that house alone. (my parents used to go on vacation and leave me by myself in our big split level home that gave me the heebies - I didn't sleep well until they came home) Plus, I have no Christmas lights up, no tree - nothing to show that it's Christmas. It's not even Christmas looking outside - and there are thunderstorms all the time (I live in Florida - we're having lots of thunderstorms now - and it never looks like Christmas here). I try to go to Walmart - it's Dec. 23 - surely they'll have lots of Christmas lights and decorations - maybe a little fake tree I can put on the table and decorate. They have no trees - just something that looks like a green potted plant - not evergreen at all. They are out of lights, and their ornaments come one to a package, are picked over so nothing is left - and they're expensive. I can't find anything. When trying to get to Walmart, I'm on route 211 - the main road that was a couple of blocks from our house when I was a child. It was a four lane thoroughfare by the time I left home. Lots of traffic and stores lined both sides of the road. I'm on this road, trying to get to Walmart, but the signs say, "Newburgh" or "Albany" - and they're all highway. I want to get on the highway and go to where the signs indicate, see some pretty sights, but I have to get to the store first. I finally make it to this super Walmart looking place and can't get inside.
There is a restaurant on one side - tacky looking - and then I spy the entrance doors and go in. It's a huge store - but I get to the Christmas section - and then find nothing.

I next try to go to Target, but never get there. I get stuck in this giant parking lot in the back of Target, and there are HUGE cranes lifting piles of garbage way up high and dumping them, all fluttering in the breeze, in a dumpster as tall as a skyscraper. I see some pretty material in one of the piles and pull it out. I notice it is in all the piles and wonder why. I'm now going to leave the area, but the cranes are getting closer and closer to me. They don't know I'm not a pile of garbage - one of them reaches down for me and presses me to the pavement. I can't get up - and the huge machine is going to crush me. I think maybe if I don't move - but then, garbage doesn't move - and it gets scooped up. So I'm doomed.

Meanwhile, throughout the dream, I am crying and so sad that I'll be alone for Christmas. I want my man (let's call him Joe) to save me, come and ask me to stay with him, but he really doesn't like company at his house all the time - he likes his time alone. I could ask him, and I know he'd let me come, but I want to be asked. I want him to want me there. Then I find out he already bought a Christmas tree on his own, without me - and decorated it. I'm devastated. I can't believe he went and bought a Christmas tree without me! So I'm doomed to spend Christmas alone, in a big scary empty house with no decorations, no tree. And it seems that Joe doesn't really feel about me the way I thought. I'm truly alone. So I cry my way through Walmart and then get smooshed in Target's back garbage place.

So - what's with the frying pan and the bagels? I love used bookstores - so that's easy.

I always dream about the house I grew up in, and my home town. I don't know why - but it's constant. I always dream about my ex-husband, too. Usually I'm either married to him or going to be married to him and I'm dreading it and hating it - and I'm trying to call my present husband, Joe - to come and get me, save me - I know how wonderful Joe is and I can't wait to see him - and I can't get hold of him, the phone doesn't work. Only once in a while does he come and get me in my dreams. Weird.

So - any dream analyzers out there? I think I'll post my dreams once in a while when I have one worth writing down.


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