Friday, August 19, 2005

Another Dream

This one was bad. It won't sound bad, but the feeling it has left me with is decidedly unpleasant. I'm having some big problems at work - they are, in short, trying to overwork me until I cave in and quit, which I won't do - and sometimes it is so blatant. New boss wants all his own people. So, maybe it's the rejection that is causing me to let everything out in dreams:

I've remarried my ex-husband. That, if you only knew, is god-awful. It is evidently the symbol in my mind of misery and calamity. His whole family is at our house.

I just remembered. The previous scenes, I am playing with our pet male lion. He is beautiful, and loving - but in the back of my head I'm realizing I have to be careful - one mood change and I'm lunch.

Anyway - my ex's entire unpleasant entourage of a family come over. In my dream, some of them are recognizable and others are not - they are gypsy like, nasty and make themselves right at home. Open the fridge, take bottles of wine, drink themselves silly, etc. I hate them and their behavior. I want my ex to make his family go away, but he joins with them in condemning me for not accepting him and his whole pack. I finally let my ex know I don't love him. I love Joe, the man in my life now (my present beloved husband). My ex is shocked and hurt at my betrayal. The whole family REALLY hates me now - they did before, but now they're actively disapproving. I finally tell them all to "get out". I don't care anymore that I can't please them, that no matter what I do, I am not accepted by them. I tell them I'll call the police if they don't all leave. I'm holding my breath, looking forward to solitude, knowing that when they leave, I will be at peace. They do leave, but come back a few times - after all, the lock hasn't been changed yet.

Then, I try to call Joe. But the phone doesn't work right. I have to call weird numbers. I'm afraid I don't have his phone number right. I realize it's been a long time since I've seen him. Perhaps my remarriage of my ex will have made him find someone else. I run out into the parking lot to find my car - I'll just drive over there. But my ex's family took my car.

Finally, my husband's voice woke me up "It's time to get up" - to go to work. The feeling of utter relief when I heard his voice was unbelievable.

I guess all my anxiety and hurt about my work situation is being channelled into dreams at night about the most vulnerable time in my life - when I was unhappily married and then first divorced.

Sheesh.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:26 AM  
Blogger Spill The Beans said...

Can't imagine a worse nightmare than being remarried to my ex.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

Yup - that's about right!! I spent 14 years with him - none of which were happy. Oh - and thanks for the comment!!

Do you know how to get rid of spam comments? I don't.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Suze said...

I figured out how to delete comments - I'm a genius in my own mind!!

8:47 PM  

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