Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Johnny Cash - The Movie

Well, I finally went to see "Walk the Line" - and thought both J. Phoenix and R. Witherspoon did a wonderful job. I've always admired Johnny Cash and his wife, June - so it was a no brainer that I'd see the movie.

I used it to deflect all the negative thoughts I've been having at work. I have good reason to have negative thoughts, but that doesn't make it right or good for me. So, when I went to lunch today, I decided that I couldn't continue on mentally as I have. Since I'm training a new person to take my place, which means I have to sit next to and work intimately with, the very people who have humiliated me and intend to get rid of me, once my brain is picked, I needed some inspiration. Tell me this isn't a tough position to be in. Every little laugh by one of my enemies, every triumph of theirs was like a giant thorn in my side. I'd start to think maybe they were right about me - I'm getting what I deserve. Or, why hasn't something like justice happened here? All these type thoughts are just deadly. They serve no earthly good - and they make me miserable. Sooooooo
after lunch, I kept on praying all the time for the Lord to help me. Every time a negative thought came into my head, or a self pity thought, or a thought of fear ("I'm going to lose my job!!" - no sh&t Sherlock!) - I'd stop it in mid-emergency, and ask God to help me some more. As I did this, I found that I was able to smile at people, not to hate them or be obsessed with the situation I'm in. I DO know that God has a plan, and that He will work this out - but in His time, not my own - and that until then, I have to be good to myself by not being miserable.

So - I decided today was the day to go to the movies after work. I usually tell myself that I have things to do at home. My pets are waiting for me, my birds want to be talked to and taken out. The backyard birds we feed need fresh water and food. Etc. Etc. I allow this to keep me from enjoying - so I decided that was a stupid way to be. I knew that the Johnny Cash story would be inspirational to some degree - and I adored June Carter......

and it WAS as good as I anticipated. Plus I enjoyed the early "glimpses" of Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis, as well as Waylon Jennings. The appearance of "Maybelle" - even though it wasn't REALLY her, was neat - as I would have imagined her.

When I was leaving the theater, two older women walked out with me, too. One said to me, "what a love story! I sure wish someone loved ME that way." And I realized - I DO have someone who loves me that way - someone I feel as close to and share as much with as the two heroes of the movie did. Our faith has brought us very close, as the faith of John and June brought THEM together.

I also thought of what's really important in life and how short and fleeting life really is, after all. Too short to let the problems of the present stunt me, make me feel guilty and shameful as if I've done something wrong, and too short for me to constantly feel sorry for myself.

So between the Lord, whom I prayed to all day, and the great movie, I have certainly been blessed and CHEERED!! On a day that started depressing and angry.

Monday, November 21, 2005


Well, it's another Thanksgiving in my life. And no matter how I complain about difficulties, I have so much to be thankful for. I'm alive, for one. I have a home and health, although I really need to exercise so I DON'T croak. My job? I'm still showing up every day - and being treated like so much dead wood is humility inducing and character building, whether I like it or not. I won't die from it - and it doesn't matter a speck what these people think - I don't like them much either, come to think of it. They're not the kind of people, personality wise, that I'd be attracted to anyway. So the heck with 'em.

Then there's my husband - one of God's GREATEST gifts to me. I had a lousy marriage years ago - and God let him leave me and then gave me someone wonderful in return. Every day he shows me more of how wonderful he is and He is, too.

I'm very proud of my little off-shoot - my daughter. She's a chip off the old block, and since I like myself mostly - I like her, too, as well as love her. And you can't beat family. Blood knows blood, nature knows nature.

So, as this nice long weekend draws near, and the weather looks to get a bit cooler, which my husband and I love, I am mindful that I have eternity to thank my Savior for as well as all the gifts of life He has given me.

Oh - and on another note - I'm going to see the Johnny Cash movie, "Walk the Line" tomorrow - can't wait. That is one man I admired a great deal, as well as his wife. I wrote this a little more than a year ago, after seeing his video "Hurt".

Friday, November 11, 2005


What a fabulous morning! We have Veterans Day off (hats off to all Veterans past and present whose sacrifice has made it possible for me to enjoy today - and to blog freely!!)

Even though Wilma left my back yard a shambles, I've cleaned up some - and the birds don't seem to care that a lot of the bushes are minus leaves. We put our bird feeders back up and we are in the birdy diner business again.

This morning I put out millet, suet cakes, black oil sunflower seed (the world class favorite claws down for all birds), fresh water in the two bird baths, a couple of apples slathered with peanut butter - and some thistle seed for finches.

We have a spot breasted oriole that comes and eats anything orange. Note to self - buy oranges today and put them out, too. We have a couple of adorable warblers - a blue gray gnatcatcher, a palm warbler and a yellow butted warbler (I forget the technical name for him). They stay in the bushes eating bugs - they don't bother much with the seed feeders. Since I don't use insecticides, I have plenty of bugs,.

I have some very pushy blue jays that DEMAND peanuts. They get very close to me, as they are used to me, and they just stand there, cock their heads, make cooing noises - and wait for me to be sufficiently bowled over by their cuteness to come up with some peanuts for them. I usually do. Then it's blue jay ballet. They swoop down, dance around, hop like crazy - and basically have a peanut-a-thon. The grackles sneak a couple of peanuts, but my husband says they must have been policemen in their past lives since they dunk everything in the water bath. They try to soften the shell on the peanut that way, I guess - they're fun to watch.

We also have a red bellied woodpecker that comes around for a peanut or two - and we put out special woodpecker bird mix for them also.

Let's not forget the squirrels. I don't mind them stealing the bird food - there's enough for everyone! They are so cute - so cuteness wins them food. No squirrel proof feeders for me! Last week, a little one got stuck in one of the feeders we have for smaller birds. It is a tube feeder, but is fits inside a mesh cage to keep out larger birds. The squirrel managed to squeeze himself inside the mesh - but couldn't figure out how to get out. So I approached the feeder quietly, speaking in a soothing tone (I think) because he was panicky. My husband just picked up the feeder and put it close to the ground and for some reason, at that point, the squirrel was able to squeeze out. To be so close to that little critter was a thrill - I love animals and birds....I could and DO sit in the backyard and watch them by the hour. It is soothing to the soul and funny to watch some of their antics.

I think I'll go back out there and watch a while longer. Wherever I live, I ALWAYS have to have bird feeders!!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Tough Times on the Job Front

Last Friday I got a nasty, but not totally unexpected surprise. I was told to vacate my office so someone else could move in. I knew I was moving, but I THOUGHT I had to train someone first. Turns out a replacement HAS been hired, but won't start for another few weeks - AND no one else can do the job until the new person has been trained at the home office and given a proper password.

So my boss jumped the gun. Moved me out, but has no replacement. Since this new boss has come onboard a little over a year ago, I've gone from being top dog to being shit wiper upper. Less than that - I'm treated like a criminal - and I know that by June, the skids will have been greased enough to slide me right out the door. Now I understand wanting to put your own people in, but this has been the nastiest, most vindictive, most "I'm real friendly, but don't turn your back" thing I've ever seen. I've READ about this happening to others, but nothing has the flavor like when it happens to you. Wow, you think, do people really act this way? Do they REALLY do this stuff? And the answer is an unqualified "yup". I did this job for 10 years, have an EXCELLENT reputation, never had any write-ups, had awesome evaluations each and every year - and now I'm lower than piss. To come to work thinking "normal day" - and thinking that when the replacement comes, I'll be expected to train - and THEN move.......well, these lovely souls had something more surprising in store.

Move from an office of my own to a desk that has been used as storage in a common office area with other workers. These workers are wonderful, after working amongst the snakes - but still. My desk has no computer, no equipment. It's just a place to sit. And - since the new dept. didn't anticipate my so soon arrival - there's nothing for me to do but stare at the wall. Interesting. Oh how the mighty have fallen, you say - and you'd be right.

So, of course, I'm looking around for another job. I have been, but I'm at the top of my particular area's salary scale - and those jobs are few and far between.

My husband and I would like to move away from Florida anyway - far North Florida is more appealing - but even moreso is the Northwest. I have family out there - my daughter moved to Colorado last year - and I have a brother in the far Northwest.

But my parents are quite old and they live here in Florida - a bit farther north than myself, but still, in Florida. My sister also lives here - she and I are not close, and she visits my parents a lot more than I do.......but I'm torn.

It looks like the door is shutting on the South Florida chapter, and I'm certainly not sorry about THAT - I haven't wanted to live here since my ex husband moved me here in 1979. He doesn't even live here anymore.

Soooooooo - lets see where the shit falls after it hits the fan, euphemistically speaking......

Friday, November 04, 2005

YAY - I've Been Electronicized Again

We got power on Thursday afternoon, November 3!! I was SO happy, I did 7 loads of laundry, cleaned, vacuumed, polished, etc. etc., until the house was back to normal. Then, instead of lighting candles (EW!!), I turned on Christmas Lights in the house - yes indeed, colored lights draped over the bookcases. It was quite festive if I say so myself. Now to get out of here BEFORE next hurricane season!!

Thanks to Boudicca, who included me on her Florida Blogger Map - I'm on the map, guys - so I guess that makes me semi-legit!

Sorry I'm not more interesting today, but work sucked big time today (like it hasn't for a year now) AND my stomach is making REALLY WEIRD noises.......

Thursday, November 03, 2005

If This is Thursday, We Still Must Not Have Power

5 FPL trucks later - all parked in our street last night - AND 2 FPL guys in our back yard - and here it is the next morning.....still no power. Pioneer Woman is definitely getting testy. I did manage to get out in the front yard yesterday and weed and clean EVERYTHING up - it looks nice out there now. Perfect for selling!!! Hopefully we'll get power before we try to sell in January, but I'm not counting my chickens....

For the past week I've had the WEIRDEST dreams I've EVER had - like watching movies in my head. I wonder if the generators have a hidden message in the motor or something. That constant drone must do something.

I'm actually drooling when I think of living someplace like, say, Ohio. Where people who don't know any better drool about living in Florida. Ohio - where the worst disaster is the smell of old cooking building up in the house come February. Hey! I'm not afraid to open windows in freezing weather for a few hours to air out. Problem solved. Disaster over. Sigh. Plain old ordinary, vanilla Ohio. No reputation for tornadoes, I wouldn't live near enough to a big river to worry about major flood.....I've lived through blizzards as a kid - piece of cake compared to hurricanes!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


This ain't Louisiana or the Gulf Coast, for heaven's sake!! We had a low Cat 3 storm and our neighborhood has no home damage - all the branches are cleaned up, no wires down. But the neighbors across the street have power for 2 days now - and we still don't. Meanwhile, FPL says that they'll work hard the next 36 hours, but after that, it will take much longer. If they weren't a monopoly, it would be nice. Maybe a little competition to get these lines on and electricity running - maybe it would encourage a better protected service. The cold weather has long gone - at least it's not sunny today - but it's damp and rainy and humid. I have a mound of clothes to wash the size of Chicago - and I'm stubbornly waiting for the power to go back on so I can do it in my own washer. I'm SO OVER THIS!! I'm still thankful we didn't have home damage and that the storm wasn't worse. BUT I'm not thankful that we still live here after 10 years of trying to figure out a way to move - and not being able to do so. GRRRRRR. I'm downright cranky.